No-one really knows

the pain associated with Chemo treatments. As per my last post the side effects are really kicking in, and I now know how other cancer suffers feel. I am the lucky one as it hasn't really hit me until now. I am not going to describe how it feels as to be honest I cannot. It is a whole different feeling and is just with you 24/7. I think besides the physical side effects such as mouth ulcers, skin irritations, numbness in my feet and hands etc., it is the constant tiredness which gets to you. Just getting through the day is a chore, and no one wants to spend their life just trying to get through the day without enjoying it.

I realise this may seems a bit left field for me as I am always positive. This has not changed and I am still really happy with my progress. The Specialist in Melbourne has got back to me and is very happy with my results to date, which is great to hear. As far as the removal of my bowel tumour, he recommends to just leave it for now and most probably the rest of the year unless it starts to create any problems. I am OK with this as now I can plan a nice holiday with my Family who deserve it more than I do.

One more full treatment next Wednesday then a Doctor’s appointment to discuss the Maintenance program I will be going on. I will update once I have had the Doctor’s appointment.

Thank you All again for the support I am receiving.

Scan results back and looking good!!!!!!!

So had my Doctors appointment on Wednesday and the scan results were very good again with the two main lesions in my liver reducing by approx 7mm. It may not sound much but in my world it is a good effort.  The Doctors told me I might only have 2 more treatments on the current dosage levels of Chemo and then go onto a maintenance style Chemo. This sounds much better as it is just taking tablets each day instead of having a drip attached for 2 and  a half days.  I am getting to a stage after 10 treatments were the side effect are really kicking in and lasting longer and I was starting to get concerned if I was going to be able to keep up my current work pace for much longer. I love my work and this keeps me going along with my family and friends. The break from full blown treatment will be great. I am about to send all results to a very good Oncology Doctor in Melbourne who will now give a second opinion and he will also be make the decision on what to do with my bowel tumor. Hopefully I will know within a month whether I need radiation treatment or they can operate soon. I expect it will be radiation as the tumor in my bowel has not reduced in size but has not grown either. We expected this as the Chemo was focused on the liver, so all good. Thanks to everyone for all the support again and I appreciate it immensely.

Scan results next week!!!!!

As per my last blog I have just had treatment number 10 and dealing with the side effects best I can, but is not easy. I had a CT scan yesterday and really looking forward to the results on Wednesday. Any improvement is a positive. Some sad news, I guy who has been having Chemo the same day as me with very similar cancer, has been in Hospital for 3 weeks now and is not doing very well. I have come to terms that I will see some very nice people struggle with the cancer or not be able to win their battle as I continue down this long road to recovery and this is the saddest part of the whole journey.  It does make me stronger to keep the treatments going and keep improving, but in reality I have to be prepared I may have times where I could have complications, but will deal with this when and if they arise. My next blog will be after my Doctors appointment so please keep your fingers crossed and slip a couple of prayers in there and hopefully all will be good.

Thank you once again to everyone who is supporting me and I cannot begin to tell you how much the phone calls and emails mean to me.

Back on the Rollercoaster

I have just had the best period between treatments last fortnight than I have had for months.
It is Tuesday afternoon and I am currently sitting in the big blue chair at the oncology unit having treatment number 10. As I sit here for approx 3 1/2 hours and they feed the Chemo drugs into my body I can feel myself leaving the top of the hill on the rollercoaster and starting the descend to the bottom. I hope the bottom is not as far down as I have previously had and I can at least feel half normal this time round. It is strange to sit here and know how strong these drugs are going into my body. All the nurses wear protective gowns, face masks and gloves. Makes you feel a bit like a lepour! Some bad news. A friend of mine, who has treatment on the same day who has liver cancer as well, was not here last treatment and not here again  today. I asked the nurse and he is in hospital, and would not give more information than he may not be back. Hits home when you here this happening, but I need to get used to this as I work through my treatments and eventually beat this Cancer. There will be people who will not make it. It’s just a pity to see such good people be struck down in the prime of their life.
It really makes me appreciate every day a wake up and see the sunrise and the voice of my little boy Sammy as he shuffles in to our bed for his morning cuddle. I hope everyone who reads this will wake up tomorrow and feel the same as I do each morning.

Mind over body

Another fortnight nearly over in my rollercoaster ride of Chemo. This has been a much better fortnight than the last, as per my last blog. I seem to have shaken of the bug I had. Treatment number 10 next week which means I have been on treatment for 5 months. As my blogs reflect it is not getting any easier in fact harder each time, but all good as I am seeing results. Really looking forward to having scans at the end of next week which will give us a better indication of how I am progressing. To a lot of people what I am about to write, you might say "no big deal, I could do that", but for the people who read my blog and have cancer I hope you get inspiration from this.
On Wednesday I took my Executive Team on an afternoon Team Building exercise. Indoor Rock Climbing!!! What an excellent afternoon and everyone took away something from the afternoon. For me. I attempted to scale the 20 metre wall but could only manage about 6 meters when a ledge stopped me in my tracks and I just run out of energy. I came back down and let one of my Team have a go. He went up like a proverbial rat up a drain pipe. I took a big breath and focussed on getting back in the harness and setting my sights on the top. So I strapped myself in and started the long haul up the wall with these little pebbles to support me. I reached the spot which beat the on the 1st attempt and just set my eyes on the top and got over the ledge. From here you would think it would be plain sailing as it was just a straight 180 degrees (yes straight up and down). As I took each step to the next little pebble jutting out from the wall my body was losing any strength I had, but I shut out all negative thoughts and just zoned into reaching my ultimate goal,  the top. After 10 minutes of shear pain I made it. Yes a 48 year old stage 4 cancer patient climbed a vertical 20 metre wall clinging on by just fingers and toes. Was I proud of my achievement? What do you think? I reflect back and realise, this zone I was in to reach the top I am already in and have been in for the past 5 months. When your body says give up let your mind take control and you can achieve anything you want to. Maybe not first time but don’t give up. Photo inserted to just show you the wall which I conquered.

Turning a negative into a positive

I realize I only posted a blog yesterday but since then I had an interesting afternoon.

My temperature spiked up in the afternoon so as per the Doctors instruction any time I am over 38 degrees I need to admit myself into emergency. That in its self is an eye opener in the Darwin Hospital, which I will not go into now. I was in emergency for 4 ½ hours yesterday and every test you could have I had. In the end my temp came down and I was released with antibiotics to help my very low immune system to beat the bug I have. So the positive out of this bad afternoon. They contacted my Oncology Doctor to consult, and he had just received my latest Tumor Marker results. There are 2 separate markers which are based on overall cancer cell counts in the blood. The CEA result came in at +161 which were at 5510 back in October. The normal figure is -5. So huge drop in 2 months and 166 away from a normal count. The next is the CA result, which came in at 91 from 360 back in October. The normal figure for this test is 0-35 so another 60 points to go. I realize this will take a lot longer to get these last points down but how good to be so close so quickly. I put the great results down to everything we are doing from the dreaded chemo, to a couple of natural cures I have been taking,  to all the positive energy I receive from all my friends and everyone out there praying for my recovery. Obviously it is working. Thanks you again to all whom fall into the above.

4 1/2 months into Chemo and its taking effect

This Wednesday will be treatment 9 and I am really feeling the effects of chemo as it builds up in my body. Hair at this stage is holding on, but I am due for a haircut which will show the thinness of my scalp, so maybe soon the shaver comes out. I have my next scans coming up on the 29th of January so looking forward to some positive results which will give me the strength to continue on. I have had a bug since before Xmas which put me in hospital 2 days before Xmas. Since then my temp has been like a pogo stick if everybody remembers what that is! Ranging from 36 to 40.5. As my immune system is so low this creates difficulties trying to bet the bug. Yes something as a simple flu has put me in emergency. This is my life now and need to accept it, which I will admit is taking a lot to do as I have been so healthy until 4 months ago. The pain of the cancer is non-existent due to the drugs I take but it’s the side effects which cause the pain and frustration. I will not go into all of them but the biggest is the lack of energy and as I have mentioned in previous posts each day is a battle in its self just to get through. Work keeps my mind stimulated but need to listen to my body as well and take time out when needed.

I have contacted a very good Doctor down in Melbourne to be involved and give me a 3rd opinion, so I have doctors in Adelaide, Darwin and now Melbourne looking at my case. I have a lot of faith in their actions so we continue on. The Doctor in Melbourne is a leader in SITR research in Australia which is why I have chosen him for my case. What is SITR? please read the link and you will have a good idea of the treatment. http://www.umgcc.org/sir-spheres/about_sirt.htm   It is new into Australia but has had great results. Still looking to get the tumor in my bowel removed in the 1st half of this year by the Doctors in Melbourne and should have more idea after these next scans. Again thanks to all who are supporting me through this and I can not thank my Darling Wife Meghan enough who now wears alot of the day to day burden which normally would be shared in our relationship.

Results finally through

Well, finally got my full results through and all looks good.

Overall a 15% decrease in cancer cells in my liver, this puts me in the "stable" zone. You need to reduce by 30% to be in the effective zone. I am happy with this as after the first 3 treatments we seen an increase which the doc reassures us is normal, so the last 3 have done there job. Since my last blog I have been up and down. Chemo really starting to take effect. I am continually tired and struggle through each day and try to be as normal as I can. It’s like getting up each morning and running a marathon every day. You just push through and break through the barriers and get to the finish line (end of the day). Yes everyone tells me to slow down but this is my life and what keeps me motivated to keep going. The past few weeks has made me realize I now need to slow down. I caught bug most probably from my little boy Sam (2.5 years old). Normally I would just power through something as simple as a flu etc, but it actually put me in Hospital with temps over 40 degrees. I realized then how my life is changing and need to look after myself. Positivity is one thing; stupidity of not looking after myself is another.

Xmas has been great with Sammy now understanding what it all means. It made me so happy to see his beautiful blue eyes open so wide on Xmas morning. I intend to be around for many more moments like yesterday.

My Fantastic wife continues to look after me and shares in my emotional rollercoaster and is such a great support for me and is the unsung hero of my journey to date. 

Looking forward to a big year and hopefully surgery to remove my bowel cancer and get the liver under control. This time next year I hope to be at a stage where we have beaten this horrible

disease. To All who read my blog I thank you for your ongoing support and remember to enjoy every day as it happens as when you live day to day you appreciate how great it is to be able to enjoy what you have.

Maybe a change of Tact soon!!

As per my last bog, I was waiting for the scan results from my last scan. Met with the doctor after having my 6th Chemo treatment, but the radilogist hasn't come through with the full results still. Annoying? Yes. I am OK with it as I know within myself I am improving. The Doctor was a specailist from Adelaide who has been studying my case, so was good to get a second opinion. He was happy with the current progress what he could take from the current scan as he has seen my previous scans before. So all good on the liver side, just keep up the Chemo. He spoke in detail about starting radiation on the bowel tuma. Most probally not to the new year which is up to a 13 week process before surgery, so will be awhile. 5 weeks of ratiation and 6 to 8 weeks of recovery and then surgery all this time continuing Chemo. How will I handle it??? Definately with a positive approach but expect some heavy duty side effects over this time. but will be worth it to remove one problem child from my body and concerntrate on the big brother, the liver. Feeling good within myself and getting on with day today life and appreciate all the support from family and friends I have been fortunate to recieve. Without this support I am sure I would not be in this frame of mind. Thank you to everyone, it is hard to explain whata difference it makes.

good news but more to come

Well, I had the scan and all went well, until I realised I had given the incorrect original scan to compare results too. (I put it down to Chemo brain, appartently I have this right to do so!!) So could not get all the information I would have liked to. The good news is one of the largest lesion on my liver has reduced by 1.2 cm. This is fantastic, and expect other lesions would hopefully follow the same course. I have given the correct scans now and need to wait another fortnight to find out the overall results. So far so good.
Positive? You bet I am.

The truth will be in the Scan

The time is getting closer. Monday will be my first scan since starting Chemo almost 8 weeks ago. This will be the big test to see if the treatment is doing any good. Apprehensive??? anxious would be the word. The results will be with the Doctor for my appointment on Wednesday. We will be discussing the results and this will determine what treatment I have going forward. I am very confident that the treatment is working, but how quickly is the big question. This treatment to date has been targeted at bringing the liver cancer under control and also helping reduce the tumour in my bowel as an added bonus. This is the sucker we can get rid of. Radiation treatment in conjunction with the Chemo could be the way to go if the Doctors feel I can handle it. It would be as much as they would allow anyone to have at one time, but I am willing to take thechallenge if it means speeding up the process. I could be getting way ahead of myself here and my tratment may not need to change, so I will wait albeit impatiently till next Wednesday. Bring it on!!!!!

The Rollercoaster of Chemo treatment

This week is chemo week,which to people who have or had cancer will understand. Just the word chemo is enough to make me feel ill now. For those who read my blog and dont know I will give you a run down. Every Wednesday fortnight I have chemo treatment at the cancer clinic. The first couple were not so bad but as I have more treatments it seems to have more effect on me. I sit in a chair for close to 4 hours and have 3 very tovic drugs drip feed into my body. I know they are toxic as the nurse wears glasses, full apron and gloves. Not normal dress to give a headache tablet!! When these drugs have been fed into my system I have a bottle of the really good stuff attached for 2 days which I carry around in a hip bag constantly feeding into my system. This is taken off on Fridays. It takes me until Sunday to come back to any normality. Its hard to explain what I am feeling right now(Thursday night). Its like a really bad hangover might be the best way to put it. Crazy as I never had hangovers when I drank, and now I dont drink I have to put up with this. It is a fortnightly roller coaster, where I feel so bad for 4 days and then slowly come good only to go back to the clinic to go through it all again. If I wasnt sure it was doing me good it would be alot harder to except, but I am positive it is working so I am not complaining.Then theirs the side effects. I take strong painkillers twice a day which I have another drug to reduce the side effects, and I have drugs to stop the neussa. Emotions!! how the drugs play with my emotions. Over these four days I do cry, not much but I do. Its the drugs obviously as I dont have negative thoughts to bring it on. I cry when I think about how much my wife Meghan loves me, and what she now has to deal with, and my little boy Sam copies everything I do, he now has a constant sore spot on his body just like daddy's porta cath, were they hook up the drip.  I dont mind the emotional rollercoaster as it gives me a chance to think about things from the other side and just not when I feel good. So thats life for me now, one big rollercoaster. I have not written this to get any sympathy, but more to explain how so many people live there lives battling cancer. I had no idea 4 months ago. For the people who read this blog who have cancer, please remember to never give up and, yes there are people like you and me who live this life of the constant rollercoaster. Just think, Rollercoasters are at every "FUN" park you go to. So try and enjoy your ride and never forget the rollercoaster has to stop sooner or later and let you off to go and enjoy evrything life has to offer.

How quickly time goes by

I have now completed 3 treatments of Chemo now and due for number 4 next week. It is not getting any easier but this is to be expected. I had a recent scare, when one of my blood tests showed I may have had Hep B in the past and as my immune system lowers due to the Chemo it could come back and have serious results. After 3 more blood tests it seems the first result was incoorect and I am all clear. Thank god, this would be the last thing I need. The positive out of this stressful period is the doctors tell me my cancer blood cell count has reduced. Fantastic news as this is the first time it has reduced since starting the treatment. I am due for a full scan on the 15th of Nov, and am positive we should see encouraging results. Hopefully I might be able to have surgery on the cancer in my bowel either before Xmas or early next year. Really would like to get this dealt with so we can concertrate on my liver and hopefully control it. I will never get rid of it but am sure we will be able to control well enough so I will be sitting back when I am over 70 enjoying life.
To anyone who has disappointments in thier life and are having trouble coping with it, please put your positive hat on and think to yourself how bad is it really. Change your attitude turn your thoughts to be positive and it is amazing how well you will cope and move forward. I do this daily. I firstly acknowledge my negative thoughts, accept it and then work on turning it around. And you know what it is not so hard. i have a wonder wife who is also my best friend who supports me 24/7 and I can tell her my every thought. Without her and my little 2 1/2 year old boy Sam by my side each day I not sure if I could stay as poitive as I am. I also have a group of family & friends who contact me regularly. I am sure they do not realise exactly how much this means to me but without this support life would be much more difficult.

Where to start

In the past 3 months my life has changed in a way I never could have thought.
I accepted a transfer with the Company i work for and within 2 weeks of accepting I was diagnosed with firstly a tuma in the bowel and then after further tests the doctors found my liver was riddled with cancer. So in between moving to Darwin and starting a new job although with the same company I had to organise to start treatment straight away. I arrived in Darwin on a Sunday, started on the Monday and had my first chemo on the Wednesday. Nothing like settling in. I have no had 2 rounds of chemo and to date no success from my blood tests as yet. I am a positive person and wil continue to keep that way.
I hope anyone with similar challanges finds this blog interesting and would like to share their experiences.