Saturday, March 10, 2012
TIME TO REFLECT AND BE REALISTIC
It's been 18 months since first diagnosed with terminal cancer. Yes I remember the day very well. Of course the first question back then was how long? Six to eighteen months was the best they could give me. So I have made it to the top end of the average. The first twelve months gave me plenty of hope with fantastic results with the destruction of my bowel tumor. I thought this is going to be a walk in the park and will kick this cancer crap and live until I'm 85 or so. Is that the case now?? At some stage you have to be realistic. I was always told the liver was going to be my demise, and this is panning out to be true. Overall the tumors on my liver have improved since day one but not enough to make any difference to the end result. Meghan and I have been organizing for the future and we both realize it will more than likely not involve me. Just being realistic, because we cannot just put our head in the sand and not take note of what the doctors tell us. Part of the organizing was some paper work which I needed from two oncology specialist, one being my full-time doctor and the other who has been following my case from Adelaide. Both signed off to say I had less than twelve months to live. OK I know I can do better than this but the point being in reality I am more than likely not going to beat this dreaded disease. This doesn't mean I will not stay positive and will do everything possible to beat it, but reflecting back on my mindset 18 months ago this is a big shift in mindset. I will keep my positive attitude right through to the end and hopefully this will be many years down the track. Scans and cancer cell counts coming up soon so will have more idea of where I am heading from this, meanwhile the Chemo roller coaster continues.