Back for another round of Chemo

How the time just gets away from you. It just seems like a few days ago I had my last round of chemo. I went and seen the Chinese Doctor and he gave me a mixture for the nausea, and it actually worked so I will continue to use it. At this stage I still do not have results but will know more once I have my CT scan in 2 days time. I am still holding a lot of fluid in my legs and stomach area which is a side effect of the chemo. It is very uncomfortable and have been to my local GP and he as given me some more pills to take to get rid of it. I also organized a referral to a specialist oncology doctor. He is actually the doctor I seen 3 years ago when first diagnosed. I really am not happy with the treatment I am getting at the Nambour Hospital. Every visit there is always a hold up and takes so long to have the chemo. Dr H seems to be a good Doctor but is always in a hurry. In a nutshell I just feel like a number and not a person, and at this stage of my cancer progression I would like some personalized treatment. I think I will get this from the specialist once I get in to see him. Hopefully the next blog will have some good results and the new protocol is doing some good. Happy Birthday to my Beautiful Wife for today. Meghan is my rock and I appreciate everything she does for me and some of the irratic things I do on my chemo week. Bye for now

Tuff Week

Hi All, just a quick update before I go back in for my next round of Chemo which will be cycle 4 of this protocol. This last cycle left me with a bad case of nausea which has not helped with my weight as I have not been able to eat very much and when I do it is only small amount. It is now 8 days since chemo and I have now just got my appetite back. Looking in the mirror these days is not a pretty site. I have lost a lot of weight in my chest area and have what looks like a blotted stomach. My arms are really skinny. Due to the lack of muscle and fat on my body I find it very hard to keep warm but managing so far. With all this in mind, you might think well just go with it accept this is what will be. Wrong! I am going to See a Chinese acupuncture doctor who claims he could be able to quell the nausea, if this is the case I will be able to break the cycle which seems to be happening at present. If I can get to the stage where a can eat during the first week after chemo I will be able to put on some weight and obviously make me feel better with a wieght increase. I am also going to See a fitness trainer who specializes in cancer rehabilitation to build up my upper body weight and strength. So if I can get this all happening together I am sure it will be a great help to my wellbeing. As you can tell by the tone of this blog I am not giving up and this is all fitting in with the reason for our move to the Sunshine Coast. Wish me luck and thank you to everyone who has been in contact, as without this I do not think I could be positive as I am. Goodbye, and will post another blog once I have had my appointment with Dr H on the 18th of July.

Stressful round of Chemo this time around.

It has been nearly a month since my last blog. I have met with my new Oncology Doctor, who I will call Dr H. He seems to know what he is talking about and is very down to earth, which is what I am looking for in a Doctor. No need to sugar coat anything with me and I made this very clear to him. I had my first round of chemo here on the Sunny Coast a fortnight ago and have really struggled through this round.I have found I am very tierd and having bad stomach pains. I am hoping it is just a case of Gastro but need to keep a close eye on it. I have not received my latest blood results but expect to do so on Monday when I go in for my next round of Chemo. Meghan has noticed a change in me and I have felt it. I have lost a lot of weight from my chest area and am slightly blotted in the stomach area. Not a good look I tell you. So is this the start of chemo not having the effect it should or is it just a readjustment to the new protocol which I have only had two rounds.I am sure the next blood tests and scans will give us more information. My next Dr's appointment is on the 18th of July so still a bit of a wait until then. At least I will have 3 rounds of the new protocol completed and be able to give us some reasonably accurate results. Until next time, I hope you all keep well and Meghan Sam and I will be well and truly settled into our new house in Buderim. So far so good. Meghan is really enjoying her new role and the house is great and I have been able to spend a lot of time with Sam whilst he is on holidays which is until the 15th of July.

My last round of Chemo in Darwin now completed.

Hi All, As per my last blog I said I would update you on my tests taken on Monday. Firstly the blood tests came back OK so I was able to have chemo on Wednesday. I spoke with Dr K at Monday's meeting which was my last meeting with him as my next Chemo will be on the Sunshine Coast. I found it a bit hard to say goodbye as he has been looking after me since day one and realy understood where I was coming from and tried to help in any way he could. Back to the tests. The CT scan was not so good. Although we did not have the Doctors report Dr K could see on his screen thet the tumor sizes in both my lungs and liver had increased, to what extent we are not sure until we recieve the report. Knowing this Dr K decided we change protocol to a drug called FOLFIRI. I had this same protocol approx 12 months ago and it worked reasonably well back then but we stopped when I had the SIRTSPHERE trail drug. We are hoping the change of drug will have some effect to at least reduce the tumors slightly or even to stop further growth, but time wil tell and will take a number of treatments before we will know this. Some good news. My CEA blood results showed a drop from 19000 down to 13900. In the big scheme of things it is not a big drop but better than seeing them rising as I have been doing over the past 6 months. So one more blood test the day before I fly out and give the results to the Doctor at the Nambour Hospital where I will be having my next treatment. So a new chapter in my ongoing presuit of try to keep the cancer under control and stay alive for as long as possible. It is hard work both emotionally and fisicaly, but will continue and hopefully see some good results with the current changes. Thanks to everyone with thier well wishes and I will update once on the Sunshine Coast.

Back from Over Seas and ready for a big week

We have just arrived back in Australia from our Disney Cruise through the Caribbean and four days with Meghans Dad in San Fransisco. We had a great time and now time to get back into treatment. Having chemo just before flying out was OK but I was a little out of it for the first few days. On Monday I have blood tests, a scan, a Doctors appointment with Dr K and hopefully chemo if my bloods come back OK. I am not expecting any good news news this time round and will not until I get back into a routine with chemo. We are still moving to the Sunshine Coast in the next few weeks and organizing treatment at the Nambour Hospital. I will leave it at that for now as I will update my blog after Mondays results.

Much better cycle this time around

It has been about 10 days since my last round of Chemo, and overall it has been quite bearable. No real bad side effects and have managed to keep my weight on which is always a good sign. I am feeling a lot more relaxed now and starting to clear my head and concentrate on my health. We are going overseas in about a weeks time and will have chemo just before we leave and then again as soon as we get back so I do not miss a cycle, expect a couple of days out which Dr K is not overly happy about but it should not make that much difference a couple of days either way.I have an appointment with Dr K this Friday were we will organize a referral to the Nambour Hospital on the Sunny Coast which will be my new Chemo Clinic. So next round of Chemo is 7 days away and am hoping it goes as well as this cycle as I do not want to be feeling too sick for the start of our holiday especially since the first day is spent on a plane for 15 hours to the USA. I am now going to start researching trial drugs again and see if we cannot find some current trials which will suit my condition and hopefully be based out of the Brisbane Hospital which the Nambour clinic is attached to. So bye for now and most probally will not hear from me again until we get back from overseas.I am so looking forward to spending quality time with Meghan and Sam and just enjoying every minute of the holiday.

Latest results are not looking so good. Time for a change????

Hi to everyone who has been reading my blog and I hope for the people outside of my Friends and Family you are able to take some information more on the thoughts of a person with terminal cancer as I suspect this is the reason you are reading my blog. Either for yourself or a family member. I am a little late on posting this blog as when I went to write something I just could not put words on paper. I had a Doctor’s appointment 3 weeks ago and the results were not so good. The good news is my tumor sizes had not grown much since the last scan. The bad news is my cancer cell count in my blood has gone through the roof. It is currently sitting at 13,600 and back in February it was 6,000. So not good news. We have decided to continue with the same treatment as I have really only had one cycle of full strength Chemo. The next scan will be on May the 27th, which should give me another two cycles and hopefully at full strength. We are now moving to the Sunshine Coast in June. As most of you now know I have finished up work to concentrate on my health. Meghan has accepted a job with Mantra Group. Yes the company I have just finished with. Meghan will be the Regional HR Manager for Queensland. For me a change in Doctors may be a good thing now as I have had the same Doctor since I was diagnosed, and a fresh set of eyes and procedures could be just what I need. I have Chemo tomorrow hopefully; all depending on my blood test first up in the morning. Wish me luck and i will update again in the near future.

Treatment is back on

Hi to All, It's been a week or so and have just got back from our holiday. The holiday was fantastic and we all had the best time and I even felt normal for a change instead of feeling like I had a full-time hangover.The day after getting back I had blood tests, a CT scan and yes the bloods came back positive which meant I had a full dose of chemo today. So far feeling reasonably good but early days as of yet. I have plenty of nausea medication so will keep these up for the next 5 days. I have a Doctors appointment next Monday which will give us the results of today's CT Scan and last blood tests. Not expecting too much as I have only had one full treatment before the scan and bloods. If all goes well and I can keep up the routine I expect the next results will be much better.I will update after my next Doctors appointment. Bye for now

Second Full strength treatment delayed

As per my last post I handled the first full strength treatment without too many issues and obviously was looking forward to having my second and getting into a routine to help combat the bad results I have recently received. I had a routine blood test on the day prior to chemo to check all my levels and just my luck my platelet count was very low. Chemo does have an effect on platelets but they were far too low to have another round of treatment so I have been put on hold for a week. This is really disappointing as I was ready to hit the tumors hard and get back on top of them. The only good to come out of it is we are going away for 5 days to Cairns as of today so I will be feeling good over this period and will be able to enjoy the break with my wonderful family. We get back next Wednesday and straight back into chemo on the Thursday if the blood test is OK. I have now finished up work and are officially retired, but am sure I will find plenty to do to keep me busy.It will obviously be a big shock to my routine and will take time to adjust. So we fly out later today and as mentioned previously really looking forward to just chilling out and relaxing. I will update you next week on whether I was able to have chemo or not but keep your fingers crossed as I really need to get on top of this Cancer at the moment. Bye for now and thanks to everyone who has rang and wished me well in my change of life.

Update from last post

I thought I would post another blog as the reaction from my last post was quite overwhelming. I had many calls and emails which I am very appreciative. It was not my intention to worry or scare anyone as the whole idea of this blog site is for me to express myself and hopefully help everyone understand how this terrible disease has change my life and perception on life in general. If the truth is hard to swallow I am sorry but that is the way it is. I had my first full strength treatment 10 days ago. Overall I have handled it well considering. All I thought about when I was sitting in the big chair in the Chemo Suite was feel the drugs going through my body attacking every cancer cell it comes into contact with and killing them. The only problem it does destroy the health cells as well.As long as more cancer cells are destroyed than good cells I will be happy. As I have said many times before I need to keep a positive attitude and for me to feel like the drugs are doing their job helps me to continue with a positive attitude. I have another round of full strength chemo next Tuesday so hopefully I am able to continue to handle the side effects. I have four days of work to go before I retire and we are also flying out for a five day holiday in Cairns next Friday which we are all looking forward to immensely. The closer I get to finishing work the more I realize it is time for me to take it easy and get the rest needed to cope with the chemo. I am sure I will find plenty to do and Meghan will make sure I am busy enough not to be bothering her at work every half hour! I have a CT scan booked in for the day after we get back from Cairns and the a doctors review the following week just before round three of my full strength chemo. This will be a telling appointment in it will show whether the change to full strength chemo is working or not. If it is that will be fantastic and we will continue, if it is not working, well I really do not know where we go from here. I am hoping Dr K has a rabbit he can pull out of his hat. I am still researching any clinical trials which are available in Australia and at this stage there is not much out there but will keep looking. Thanks to everyone who has contacted me over the past few weeks, it really does help to keep me positive and fighting as hard as I can. Thank you All and will post again once I have the result from the next appointment with Dr K.

The Doctor's appointment I have been dreading

Following on from my last blog, I said I would let you all know how my Doc's appointment went with Dr K. I joked in the last blog about when Meghan comes along there is usually some important news. Well that is an understatement this time. We went into the appointment with Dr K and I knew straight away the news was not good. He was procrastinating so I just asked him what the results of the scan and blood test are. His reply was "Not Good this time". My tumors have doubled in size since the last scan in December and my cancer cell count has never been higher and is over 7,000. As you could imagine the atmosphere in the room was very somber. Meghan handled it quite well considering the bad news. Of course the big question needed to be asked and Meghan came straight out and asked, "How long do you think left"? Dr K answered with the usually statement of "based on research" I have a few months left. Dr K himself was not willing to give his personal opinion which I understand he really cannot. So a few months!!!! What does that mean? I was told 30 months ago when first diagnosed I had between 6 to 12 months and I am still here. So where to from here? We decided to up the dosage back to 100% and hopefully I will be able to handle the side effects. I think the bad results were due to skipping a couple of cycles over the past few months and the lower dose, so now I am back on full strength and must have the treatment regularly every 2 weeks. Dr K wants to have CT scans once a month now to keep a close eye on whether the treatment is working or not. We are starting to get to the stage we are running out of protocols, so once this one stops working or the side effects get too bad we really do not know what options are left, but will cross that bridge once we get there. I will be finishing up work at the end of the month and will have the time to really look after myself and hopefully extend my life span. To what extent who knows!!!! So the battle continues, and I am determined to kick these bad results and get them down to an expectable level which will allow me to keep enjoying every day as it comes along. To everyone who reads my blog I thank you for all your support as this is what keeps me going. Thank you All. Bye for now

Major test results due next week

I have had another 2 cycles of chemo since my last blog which were still at the 75 percent of my normal dosage. All went well and no major side effects. I have had CT scans and blood tests this week in preparation for another Drs appointment next Monday. These results should tell us approximately how long I have to live,which is all based on historical research, which I have proven wrong before. It will also tell us if the lower dose is actually having any effect on the tumors. If it isn't it is no use continuing on the lower dose and we will just have to bump it backup and try to handle the side effects best we can. If this be the case the timing is not too bad, as of the end of March I will no longer be working. Yes I have handed in my resignation. After the last couple of scares and the fact I can only concerntrate till about 1pm, I feel it is time to back off and get the rest I need to keep fighting this terrible disease. I knew it would happen eventually, but is hard to except once it does happen. I know in my heart it is the best move and will give me more time with my family and that will be fantastic. We have a couple of trips organized in the first few months, so will keep me occupied and once we are back home I will find something to keep the mind stimulated and also do some light excersise just to keep myself health as possible. So mixed emotions at present and am noticing the chemo drugs do make me emotional, but have been prescribed some type of happy pills to take on a regular basis. So for now I will sign off and post again next week with the results from Monday's appointment. Oh I didn't mention before but Meghan is coming along and we have a standing joke she only comes when there is some big news to be told. I hope everyone who reads my blog is well and by now would have been in and tested for cancer? Bye for now to All

A nausa free round of chemo but not without some dramas

Continuing on from my last blog, I decided to continue treatment. Dr K reduced my chemo to 75% of the original dose to see if this would help the side effects. I had chemo treatment a couple of days after my last blog and everything went very well and was able to have a normal week after the treatment which was so good after what I went through on the previous round. So nine days after the chemo which was a Friday I got up and started getting ready for work when I was overcome with dizziness and hot flushes to the point I had to go back to bed. Luckily I had an appointment with Dr K. already organized for this day. So I stayed at home until it was time to go to the appointment. I was feeling a bit better before I went but went downhill once I got to the doctors clinic. We discussed my latest results which have seen an increase in my cancer cell counts, which I thought this would be the case as I had a extra two week break when this blood test was done. From here on I think Meghan and I have come to the realization my life expectancy may be not as long as we had hoped. Don't get me wrong I have been very lucky to make it this far. I look back at when I was first diagnosed and disbelief I would die from this and thought from day one I would beat it. As time has gone on and researched no end I have to come to the conclusion this terrible disease will take my life. If I just put my head in the sand and not prepare for it when the time comes I would be so disappointed in myself. So reality has kicked in and Meghan and I have done everything we can to ensure both her and Sam will be looked after as best we can. This makes me feel so much more comfortable and now we can concentrate on just spending quality time together. I am actually writing this from Hospital due to a strange dizzy spell on Friday, yesterday. They have done all the tests and cannot really find out what caused it but am feeling much better today so I think they will let me out today. I have another round of Chemo next Tuesday so hopefully my blood test taken on Monday will be OK and I am able to have the treatment. It seems now with the amount of chemo I have had over the past 28 months it is starting to affect my body and little episodes like this will become more frequent, so really need to start to take it easy and look after my health to ensure I can continue with regular treatment which in turn help keep my cancer cell counts down. So life goes on and I just need to manage as best i can and not let it affect my positive attitude. Who knows I could be still writing these blogs in another 28 months. Cross your fingers!!!!

Results still positive but its a Hell of a Ride

Since my last post, which was reasonably positive I have had my 5th cycle of Chemo. Firstly I met with Dr K and my last results showed a reduction in my cancer cell count but not to the extent of the previous, but anything heading down is a good result for me. After the Chemo I was fine for a couple of days then it hit me, I could not keep anything down, food or water. I put up with it for a couple of days hoping I would come good but a seemed to only get worse. In the end I was admitted to hospital with a push from Meghan, but I was so weak I knew I had to go. They kept me in for 4 days on a drip and all sorts of wonder drugs to get me to a stage I could hold down some food. So 4 days later and about 8 kilos lighter out I came. I had another appointment with Dr K and Meghan came along. I think I mentioned in a past blog, when Meghan comes along we have some serious discussions to be had with Dr K. After the last week I had in my mind to give up Chemo altogether. We spoke to Dr K about this and he said to take an extra week off Chemo and come back and see him before my next cycle was due. His diagnosis was, if I was to go off Chemo would have approx 3 months left and with chemo approx 6 months. The last time I was told 6 months was when I was first diagnosed 2 years ago, and Dr K's timeline was purely based on research, and he thinks I will do better than this. When I went back to see him I was in a much better state of mind and really have no choice but to continue, as the treatment is still producing good results, and until it doesn't I am better to keep going. Dr K has lowered the dose to see if this helps. Well I will know in the next few days as I am writing this from the Chemo chair. So looking forward to having a nice weekend with very little nausea and keeping out of hospital. Wish me luck.

Looking stable and positive results

I can't believe how quick time flys and especially considering it has been Xmas and New Year. We had a really good festive season which was quiet as we only had Megs sister up here for Xmas. Nice and relaxing enjoying each others company. I have had some more blood tests come back since my last post and they are positive. My cancer cell count has come down again from 5150 to 3910. I have also put on another kilo and a half. This is good to see and hopefully will continue until we get down to an acceptable level to stablise off at. If we can then maintain this level without the side effects taking over we should be able to continue on this protocol for awhile. Dr K is happy with the results and said he does not see such good results from second time around on any protocol, so happy to be the high achiever. In all I feel OK in myself but the Chemo does knock me around for the first few days, but happy to put up with it as long as we are seeing results. At this stage I am not looking at any further research tests and just want to see how well we go on the standard Chemo for now.My lung infection has cleared up with the last round of antibiotics and the ulsers seem to have nearly healed which means my eating has improved hence some gain in weight. I still have the lump in my groin which is a concern but will bring up with Dr K on my next visit on the 14th of January. So until then I hope everyone is recovering from the Xmas period and back into daily life again. Goodbye for now and as always thank all of you who pray for me on a regular basis I do really appreciate everyone's thoughts and well wishes.

Glimmer of Hope from recent tests, BUT!!!!

This week has been a busy week with CT scans, blood tests and a visit to my normal GP. This is all in readiness for next week’s appointment with Dr. K. I have had a temperature for the past week or so and under normal circumstances this would not be a problem, but in my case it could actually be fatal if I do not do something about it. So off to my normal GP for some antibiotics for an infection in my left lung which by coincidently is where the latest tumors have popped up. I also have a lump in my groin which I had the Doctor check. Not good news as she thinks it is my Lymph nodes which could be cancerous. I had a CT scan in the morning so hopefully this will give us more information and pick up what is the problem. Later in the afternoon Dr K rang me as he had the results from my CT scans. My heart dropped to my toes as he normally does not call me and we wait until our next meeting. I said, "So give me the bad news"? Dr K replied with the opposite and just rang to say he had had a brief look at my scans and has seen a reduction in the size of the tumors compared to the last scan. Also my Tumor markers have come down slightly, still over 5,000 but at least this with a reduction in the size of the tumors is great news. I told him about the lump in my groin and what my GP said and he looked at the scans again but they did not cover that particular area. He seemed to think it would not be cancerous given the good results we have just got back and will give me a full check over next Monday when we meet. This has relaxed me to a degree but still in the back of my mind it might be bad news, if it is I don't know what I will do. Once it’s in my Lymph nodes it is like the main highway through my body and can spread very fast, so everyone cross your fingers and hopefully I am stressing over nothing!!!!! As I write this I am sitting in the big blue chair in the Chemo Suite having cycle 4. How quickly time goes, it just seemed like yesterday I started back on chemo again. The nurses are very impressed that the side effects after 4 cycles are minimal at this stage. This means I can continue on this protocol which is great, because once I cannot handle this protocol I only have about two types left to try. I have even put on a kilo in weight and am now 65 kilos, still a long way to go. So in normal fashion I seem to get some good news but get a kick in the guts with some bad news. As long as the good news keeps outweighing the bad I will be happy. I most probably won't post another blog now before Christmas, so I wish everyone and Merry Xmas and a great New Year, I know I will enjoy every minute of mine with my fantastic family and am just over the moon that I will be here. So please remember don't take these special times for granted as you never know if it will be your last. This may seem dramatic, but as you all know by now I have an entirely different outlook on life now. Enjoy this special time over the next few weeks and I will post again in the New Year.

Highest Tumor marker results since diagnosed

I have just been back to see Dr K to go over the results of my blood tests and CT scans which were taken prior to my first cycle of Chemo two weeks ago. It takes this long to get all the results through. The main reason for the tests is it gives us a benchmark to work off now I have started chemo again. I knew they would not be good as the last set of results were high obviously due to having no treatment for a long period of time. Not good is an understatement and I could see in Dr K's demeanor he was surprised at the results as well. My cancer cell count is at just over 5800, which compared to when I was first diagnosed at 5500. Remembering it should be between 0 and 5! So back to square one from two years ago. Should I have had the SIRT Sphere treatment in June??? I still believe it was the right decision at the time so no regrets. I got the markers down to a low of 20 over the past two years, and I will be focusing on doing the same again. Dr K is more conservative than this. As he explained in our meeting I am now a lot weaker and my internal organs have been through hell and back with all the treatment and drugs over the last two years, so he told me not to expect the same results again. They gave me 6 to 12 months when my markers were at 5500 so what is the prognosis now??? Of course I asked the question. Dr K sat back in his chair and had a sly grin on his face and said, "David you are not going to catch me out again, you have proven me wrong to date and I now have no idea on your time frame". He did say he could give me the spiel on the average length of life for my current state etc, but I was not interested in this info as it has proven to be all wrong so far. At least the results confirm why i have been so tired with this much action rushing around in my body and what white blood cells I have left trying to combat the dreaded cancer cells, it is no wonder I run out of energy by 2 o'clock every day. Cycle 2 of chemo today, and we will have all the tests again in another 4 weeks so will have at least 3 cycles under my belt and hopefully we will see some positive results. With all this happening I again sit back and reflect on what has happened and what may happen and when in the future. All i can do is keep fighting and making sure I enjoy every minute of every day. Chemo does definitely affect my lifestyle as the first week after the treatment is hell and then I come good and the rollercoaster keeps going. I think this is a timely reminder to everyone who reads my blog; think about the last time you stressed or got upset over something and tell me was it really that bad!!!!! Forget it and move on and remember each day is precious and you will never get it back again. Keep well everyone and thank you all for your continued support, I really appreciate it.

Back on the Chemo Rollercoaster

Today is Monday the 29th of October and it is 8.30am. I walk into the Chemo Suite at the Alan Walker Cancer Clinic. This is the first time back in the Chemo Suite since April this year. The nurses are always very friendly and welcome me back. Obviously they all still remember me as I have been coming here for two years now. I jump into the big recliner seat and get myself comfortable. They check my vitals and go over the blood test from last Friday. Now ready to go. They plug the needle into my port and start administering the lethal mix of drugs. I have been hooked up for an hour now and am feeling OK. I think this has been the only hesitation I have a present is how the drugs will affect me this time around. As you know I am very positive but have a feeling they will hit me hard this time around. Mainly due to the fact I a weaker now than I have since I was first diagnosed. I am happy to be back on the Chemo believe it or not. My results have been terrible lately and just want to get them back under control as soon as possible. Let’s hope the concoction they are pumping into me will have a good result and maybe even reduce my markers rather than just hold them. Time will tell. The ulcer has still not totally healed and causes me trouble/pain from time to time. As long as I keep the pain killers up I do not have too many issues. My weight is still a problem down to 63 kilos and having issues putting on any weight back on. Mainly due to the ulcer in my stomach. Fatigue is still knocking me around and struggle through the day from 3pm onwards. i just hope the Chemo does not make this any worse!!! Wish me luck this time around and hopefully the treatment will work before the side effects kick in.

An update

It has been awhile since my last post. There has been a lot going on and wanted to wait until I had a clear picture of what I was doing. Dr K spoke with the Specialist in Adelaide and they have another trial drug which they thought might work for me. Sorry I cannot remember the name of it but is very similar to most of the regular chemo cycles but obviously using a different drug. It is approved in the US, but not here. I had to fly down to Adelaide for a rushed appointment with the Specialists to see if I would qualify. To cut a long story short, no I do not qualify as I have been off regular chemo for too long whilst my results have been increasing. Not to worry I still have the fall back to regular chemo treatments, which the Doctors agree will most probably have a better outcome than the trial drug. Meghan, Sam and I are currently away in Bali having a well deserved break for a week. Once I get back I have an appointment with Dr K and straight back onto regulat chemo treatment. I have about three more different treatments to go before I am out of options. Depending on how well I do on each one will give us an indication of how long I have left. So what will happen is I go on one treatment until the side effects get too bad or it stops working and my markers start to increase rapidly. This will be the same for each treatment and once I have tried them all and there is nothing new to try it will be off the chemo until the end.all these treatments can only slow the cancer down and there is nothing out there which will cure my case, so crossed fingers they come up with a miricle drug in the near future which will save me! I am still battling this ulcer and am down to 63 kilos and Meg has nicknamed me "Skelie" obviously short for skeleton. Yes very funny. The increase in drugs has been great and am now pain free most of the time, but when I am in pain it is so bad I cannot describe it, to the point I throw up, so not so nice. Apart from the pain the only issue I have is my stamina, I have trouble concentrating past 3pm in the afternoon and just feel like having a sleep. Not a good look at work I think!! Everything else is great and Meg and Sam are doing well and we are really enjoying this break. Until I have any more news Bye for now.

Is the clock ticking!!!

It has been a big week. I had a scope on Monday to take a look and biopsy of the ulsers in my stomach. The pain is still really bad. I also had other CT scan and blood tests. This all culminated in an appointment with Dr. K. Meghan decided to come along this time, which is never a goos sign. It seems when Meg wants to come she is obviously concerned. So with all the info Dr K had he was well informed to bring us up to speed with how I am going. Not good! My cancer cell counts have gone through the roof increasing by 1000 points, this is the biggest increase I have had in along time. The scan showed an increase in all my tumors and larger increase than normal. The spots on my lungs have also increased in size confirming it is definitely tumors. Obviously the SIRT treatment only worked short term. The rush is now on to get me back onto chemo without effecting the ulers too much as we do not want them to bleed. We spoke about the pain I am in and Dr K has decided to hand me over to palliative care to put together concoction to rid me of the pain. I presume this means stronger drugs, but at the moment I don't really care I just want to be pain free. Where to from here? Dr K is going to consult the Doctors in Adelaide who have been following my case and together they will come up with a plan to get me back onto Chemo as soon as possible. This should slow down the spread and growth of the tumors. How ironic is that! I am actually looking forward to going back onto Chemo even knowing how much it mucks up my life. It seems this is the only way to improve my life expectancy. Wish me luck over the next few weeks and I will update once I have a clear direction of what they want to do with me as far as chemo cycles go.

Scan results are back ??????

I met with Dr K and he had my scan results back and also latest blood test results. My cancer cell count has come down again to approx 350, which is about half of the levels prior to the treatment. Dr K said it must as a result of the treatment as I am still off Chemo. Originally the specialist said best result would see a reduction by half so all going according to plan. The size of the tumors are still about the same but has been put down to the scan showing the dead cells as well, so will take that as a positive. But as usual two steps forward and one back. The scan also shows two active nodules in my right lung. These were identified on a previous scan but at that time they were too small to know what they were. Dr K is 90% sure it is cancerous so not good news. Nothing we can do at the moment and hopefully when I start Chemo again it may keep it under control or even kill it off if I am lucky. So not good news. I am still having trouble with the ulcers and am going back in for another scope to see what is going on. The fear is the ulcers have turned malignant (cancerous)which would mean the only way the get rid of would be to operate. Dr K has concerns about an operation due to my current state of health, but will cross that bridge when we get to it. To be honest I am over the continual pain and feeling like the walking dead by mid afternoon everyday. It is just not fair on my Family, Meghan and Sam. By the time I get home from work everyday I am not in the best frame of mind and have no energy to really enjoy their company or visa versa. I try my best but I just wish I felt normal. I have another appointment with Dr K on Monday so will discuss in detail, but not really interested in increasing the pain killers as I am on a very high dose now. I am still overwhelmed by the support I receive from everyone. It is the one thing that keeps me getting up each morning and getting through each day, so thank you to All for your phone calls and emails, it means so much to me.

Currently in Limbo

It's been awhile since my last blog, and mainly because I am in limbo at present. I went into hospital for day surgery and they found ulcers in my stomach caused through the SIRT treatment. There is no quick way to get rid of these so now on medication to reduce the pain and wait for the ulcers to heal. Dr K will not let me start back on chemo until they are all cleared up. I have had CT scans and they will compare the results from these scans against the last scans I had prior to the treatment. Hopefully we will see some reduction in the tumor sizes. I should have the results in the next week. So wish me good luck. It will be disappointing to go through so much pain and not see some improvement. I have not been so well within myself lately. Considering I have been off chemo since April now, I thought I would be starting to feel normal again, but not the case. I get to about 2pm each day and I just hit a brick wall. I just don't have the energy I used to have. Also my concentration levels have reduced dramatically which frustrates me no end. Given I had very radical treatment 2 months ago may be it is understandable. I think I just expect to much from myself, and need to start slowing down with my workload. Once I go back onto regular chemo treatment I have a feeling the fatigue will only get worse, so yes I am now starting to think about how I am going to handle my job or even if I can continue. Meghan is very supportive of me whatever decision I make, but for those who know me, it would be a huge step for me to stop working. I need to ensure the company is not suffering through me not being able to cope day to day, so the decision needs to be made while I am still on top of my game. Big call but not going to rush into it. So looking forward to getting my results although a little nervous and getting rid of these ulcers. Overall life is great and love living in Darwin, and made better by the weather at the moment as it is dry season and 30 degrees everyday. I will update everyone on my results as soon as I have them. Bye for now.

A month later and some concerns

It's now been just over a month since my SIRT treatment. The good news is my last blood test showed a drop in my cancer cell counts by about 200 points which is great but the levels are still high over 500. As I have not started my normal chemo it can only be attibuted to treatment. I have scans arranged for the end of July where they will compare before and after, so hopefully we will see some good results, fingers crossed. I am still in quite a lot of pain mainly in my stomach, and it does not seem to be subsiding. I am continually pushing pain killers down my throat it give me some relief, but to be honest I am getting very frustrated as I am not improving. I had scans this week and am booked in with a specialist for day surgery to go in and check for any ulcers in my stomach which can be a side effect of the treatment. Once we get this sorted I will be starting back on my regular fortnightly chemo treatment. It just never ends, but I have to accept this as my life now, and as long as I feel it is helping to extend my life expectancy I will continue to do whatever it takes. I have lost a lot of weight about 8 kilos as I just have no appetite and can not hold down any substantial size meal. Just need to get to the bottom of this constant pain issue and I should be back on track and be able to focus on keeping my cancer cell counts down and start enjoying my life again. I feel for Meghan and Sam as they are the ones putting up with my mood swings and I admit I am not easy to live with at the moment, so thanks guys and I promise I will be back to normal soon. Well maybe not normal as I am far from a normal person these days. I will update once I have results near the end of the month. Thank you for all your support and well wishes it means a lot to me.

A Big Risk has been taken and I have walked out the other side Alive

Well here I am "ALIVE". I did have my doubts at stages after the treatment, I kept thinking no one can be in this much pain and survive, yes I know but I cannot begin to compare to anything expect having some drive a serrated knife into your stomac and twist it. Not that I have but heel it must be close to the feel.once they sort the pain killers out by day 3 I was much happier. Going into the theatre it was good to see Dr Mattreghan again as I was really comfortable with him aver the last treatment which he preformed. He even had a bit of a joke with me which I responded with all ok for him he was standing up and I was the one on the table with no clothes on and surgical antiseptic swaps all over me. Dr Choo was the Dr implanting the sir spheres and was very happy with his research of all the other angiograms and exactly what needed to be done. So confidence level prior to going under was up high. After about two hours they had me out and coherent again which I obvious was fairly happy about. Not long back on wards and they had me back in for scans to ensure all the implanted soldiers went in to the correct battle zones for ultimate impact. The two nights I spent in the hospital were terrible the fact I was still finding my pain levels and nausea meant I was only getting about two hours sleep so the rest of the time was spent throwing up and in pain. Nice. Today is one week from the day of the treatment and I must admit I am 100% better than last week at the same time, that is a good sign, the only concern I currently have is the amount of morphine I need to take to get through. I am now recording how many and times and stretch out as long as possible and as the pain subsides so will the need for drugs. I have my next Docs appointment on Monday so will know more but in reality will not have quantifiable results for 3 months. In the mean time some reduction in tumor marker would be great. Thank you to all who sent messages and phone calls over the last week it has meant a lot to both Meghan, Sam and myself. I will post in a few weeks when I have some results and hopefully feeling better. thank you All once more

SIRT Procedure Complete - Status Update

Hi Everyone, It's Meghan, just submitting a short post to let you all know how David went with this SIRT procedure today. In total the procedure took approximately two hours, he was also in recovering a couple of hours afterwards, by the time I got to see David, he was experiencing a significant amount of pain and nausea, the nausea has since abated as he has been provided with anti nausea medication however he states the pain is still significant. The doctor reported that the procedure went well, as they were able to get a majority of the drug into his body. He is currently having an MRI and CT scan to establish where the spheres actually ended up. The doctor has indicated that David will be discharged tomorrow and can fly home to Darwin soon after. We will assess how he is feeling on Saturday morning and determine when he will be comfortable to fly. I would just like to take this opportunity to say how proud both Sam and I are of David and how much we love him. Thank you for reading this blog post and for all the support that everyone has shown to David, Sam and I. Meghan xo

Countdown to the big one

Final angiogram went well and now have $8500 Worth of platinum in my liver in the form of minute springs to block blood flow leakage out of my liver. Docs tell me I have two blood vessels which they could not close off which will cause me some pain after the treatment. thanks Guys!!! But cannot be helped. Short term pain for long term again. I hope. Everything I have researched on this treatment re- enforces the risks involved with this. But I have had plenty of time to think about it and am comfortable I am doing the right thing. For those who have been reading my blogs for awhile now would know I am not prepared to just sit back and be another satistic in the Cancer world. The Docs seem to think it will add another 1 to 2 years to my life expectancy so definitely worth the risk. The trouble is I do not have any idea on how long I have at present. The idea is to stay alive as long as possible and hope like hell they find a cure to this terrible disease. Meaghan again will be my Rock over the treatment as she will be by my side for the entire time. Sammy will be having some one on one time with his Nan Nan, so thank you Monica, it means so much to us to have your support. I most probally won't have a chance to talk to many of you before the treatment, so I am counting on all your energy and hope to be directed at me on Thursday so all will go well. To say I am a bit apprehensive would be a understatement, but continue to keep positive and I am sure even though my body will be in overload my mind will take over and keep me strong. So the next time you will hear from me I expect I will be through the treatment and have some positive news for you. Again wish me luck and speak soon.

One more Angiogram and then the Big Attack

How things change in such a short period of time? Since my last blog the Specialist rang and said I need to go back for another angiogram, as a precaution in readiness for the assault on these liver tumors. So same treatment again, the difference this time I feel much better than the last time I had the treatment. I have been off Chemo for a month now and starting to feel like a real person again instead of a walking Zombie. I could get used to this and have some quality of life back. Dreaming! , I am just about to inject a lethal dose of Chemo into my liver and the side & after effects will not be pretty. Dr K said we will recommence my regular chemo cycle 2 weeks after the Sirsphere treatment all going well. Now that’s something to look forward to. I will make the most of this good feeling for the next 10 days or so. Strange to get excited about feeling normal!!!!So here I am sitting here waiting to be admitted for my next work up treatment, Sunday the 27th and expect to be back in Darwin on Tuesday all going well. Ten days later I will be back for the Major attack on this bloody cancer. Funny I still ask myself is this the right track to take???? And then its moments like Sammy’s 4th Birthday last Friday and the joy I get from watching him grow up and how he looks up to me for guidance. I just can’t leave him and this keeps me fighting everyday to stay alive for as long as possible. Sammy is my inspiration and Meghan is my rock. Without my 2 best friends I may have just curled up and let the Cancer win. Thank you Guys for everything, I know it is not easy on both of you and for this you deserve better. To everyone else thank you for your support so far and it is now more than ever I need it as I go through this dangerous treatment. Wish me luck over the next 2 weeks.

It's ON, time to blast this cancer

I have just got back from my tests with the specialist down south. All went well and the Doctors have given the green light to perform the SIRT treatment. This is excellent news, as I have been planning this for quite awhile now and was always going to be last resort, and now that is really what it is. If I don't have the treatment now I may not be eligible further down the road. Lucky I did when I did as they had to block off approximately 8 blood vessels which were leaking out of my liver. So game on now. I feel like it is a bit like a war game, where we have gone in and done the recognizance and now have a plan in place to go in and catch this cancer by surprise and blow these tumors out of my body. Believe me it has not been an easy week. I left not feeling 100 percent and had a really bad case of mouth ulcers, which is one of the side effect of Chemo. They were so bad I got to the stage I could not eat or talk. I had the PET scan on Wednesday and all went week. I went back in on Thursday morning for the big test. The nurses took a heap of my blood as usual to check my levels. The doctor came to see me quite concerned in my current condition and said he could not perform the test in my state. They admitted me and hooked me up to a drip straight away. For a change it was good drugs being pumped into me to bring my levels to an acceptable level, so we had 24 hours to get me right. The Doctors were confident this was achievable and had organize for the test to be postponed until the Friday morning. To give an indication of my condition, I lost 9 kilos in 5 days. Friday morning came around and another blood test and the drugs had worked so into the nuclear medicine department. All up there where 4 doctors and 3 nurses. I was awake for the 2 1/2 hour procedure. They entered through my groin and put a catheter up into my liver and with the aid of the imaging unit were able to block off any leaking blood vessels. Obviously this is what the test was for. If I had anymore leaking vessels they may have not continued. It was a very uncomfortable procedure but came through OK. I was able to leave the hospital about 5.30 that afternoon. So no date set as yet but should know in the next few days but will be in the next 2 weeks. I will let you all know once organized. Wish me luck and thank you all for your support so far.

SIRT test dates set

I had my appointment with Dr K on Monday and he was organized with my test dates for the SIRT treatment. No wasting time, it will be next week. Wednesday a PET scan and Thursday the Angiogram to ensure the beads don't leak into other organs of my body which would be serious, I mean very serious so there is an element of risk with this treatment. If I pass the tests they will book me approximately in 2 weeks time for the treatment. I am nervous about the tests and hope all goes well otherwise all my research and work on his will be in vein. For those you do not know much on the SIRT treatment here is a link to a good website to explain the process. http://www.insideradiology.com.au/pages/view.php?T_id=32 I had my 8th treatment this week on my current protocol and it was the worst I have felt this time around. I would normally go back to work after the treatment and struggle through but not this time. I went straight home and crashed on the bed. Maybe the amount of chemo is catching up with me? The Doc keeps telling me it will be a matter of time. So maybe as per my last blog I will need to take a day off each fortnight to recover, we will see how I go. But a big month coming up if all goes ahead as the week between SIRT treatment I have another round og Chemo and the one the well after so will work out to 5 weeks in a row of treatment. Not sure my body can handle so much poison into my body continuously, but am sure the Doctors will know best and will rely on thier opinions. Please wish me luck for next week as I have ally riding on this. It is by no means going to be a cure but could aid to prolong my life expectancey. Fingers and toes crossed.

Time to bring out the Big Guns

It's been awhile since my last post, mainly because there has been so much happening at the moment. My last blood test showed the first drop in my tumor markers for a number of months. It was only a slight drop but better than an increase. The Chemo treatment is hitting me hard now as I go into the 7th cycle of this protocol. Not sure how long I will be able to keep working and at this stage would suspect it will only be the one or two days after the treatment I will need to rest and recover in the beginning. Dr K has been busy organizing for me to have the test which will decide if I can have the SIRT treatment, so looks like I will at least have the test and if eligible will have the treatment two weeks later. This can not be done in Darwin so will involve three flights down to the Royal Adelaide Hospital, where Dr K has the contacts to have the procedure done, whereas we originally where looking at Melbourne. I am under no illusions this treatment will really hit me hard and from all I have read including other cancer patients stories who have had the treatment. Apparently the three days after the treatment I will be so radioactive I will need to be in isolation for this period and some patients have likened it to the closest thing to dying, so will be no fun. But no pain no gain!!! I have an appointment with Dr K on Monday so will have a better idea on dates. On a brighter note I am looking forward to my 50th birthday coming up in mid June. My birthday is not until early July but the V8 cars are here in Darwin in June so organizing the party around this date. So far it looks like most of my Best Mates will be coming which will be fantastic, I only hope I will have recovered from the SIRT treatment if all goes ahead, bu cannot let this get in the way when only two years ago I and the Doctors did not think I would make 50! I will post again once I have more info on the upcoming fight with this terrible thing called Cancer.

Results are in but Jury is out

I had my appointment with Dr K on Monday with both blood & CT scan results in. Overall a positive outcome with my Cancer cell counts down slightly and the tumor sizes remaining stable, slight increase but not enough to worry about. We had the discussion about the SIRT Sphere treatment. The issue we face is if I don’t have it soon I may not be eligible due to my various organs becoming affected by the Chemo. Dr K will speak with the specialist in this field and get his opinion. Best case we could expect out of this treatment is to hopefully reduce the size of the tumors by 50% and pushing my luck kill off all the small tumors which are spotted throughout my liver. This would then give me a longer life span hopefully. I should know more in approximately 10 days. I am back in for CT scans this Friday, this time on my head. I have been suffering from constant headaches and Dr K just wants to make sure it has not spread to my brain, not much chance of that as many people think I don’t have one. Joking!!!! So again living on hope I hope the results are all clear. The current treatment is having an effect on me and I can feel myself having to struggle to get through the afternoons. Meghan and I have spoken about me giving up work, and at some stage I will have to give in and make that decision. I will know when that time comes and will not let my work suffer because of the cancer and resign before that happens, but for now I enjoy my work and will continue. I just reread my blog and noticed I have used the word Hope quite often. Obviously this is what I live on now and to date feel very lucky I have passed the original 18 month life expectancy timeframe and expect to continue to prove the Doctors wrong.

Scans complete and waiting for results

Wednesday I had my scans done and obviously you do not get any results there and then, so the waiting game starts. This is a tense time as I have a lot riding on these results. If they are not good I will more than likely be having SIRT Sphere treatment, which is like injecting the highest form of Chemo directly into my liver and from what I have read takes a lot to recover from. If the results are good well we will continue on the current treatment. Stressful time and to add to it was the passing of Jim Stynes from a 5 year battle with cancer, who is an .AFL football legend for those who are not from Australia. He has been an inspiration to me since I was diagnosed and yes I shed tears when I heard the news. If such a strong and determined man can fall from this disease what hope do I have. He leaves a beautiful family behind and this only makes it so much harder to accept and just makes me stronger to keep fighting. Monday is D day when I meet with Dr K and Meghan is coming, and you know it is an important appointment when Meghan comes and some big decisions may need to be made. I still sit back at times and wonder how I can go from jogging up the beach regularly on the Sunshine Coast 18 months ago to where I am now, not that I am angry or looking for pity, it just goes to show it can happen to anyone, so to everyone please do me one favour, go to the doctor and get tested. Don't be like me and find out when it is too late. I will update you all on the results next week, so keep your fingers crossed for some good news.
Thank you to all who continue to support me as I know everyone leads busy lives.
Bye for now

TIME TO REFLECT AND BE REALISTIC

It's been 18 months since first diagnosed with terminal cancer. Yes I remember the day very well. Of course the first question back then was how long? Six to eighteen months was the best they could give me. So I have made it to the top end of the average. The first twelve months gave me plenty of hope with fantastic results with the destruction of my bowel tumor. I thought this is going to be a walk in the park and will kick this cancer crap and live until I'm 85 or so. Is that the case now?? At some stage you have to be realistic. I was always told the liver was going to be my demise, and this is panning out to be true. Overall the tumors on my liver have improved since day one but not enough to make any difference to the end result. Meghan and I have been organizing for the future and we both realize it will more than likely not involve me. Just being realistic, because we cannot just put our head in the sand and not take note of what the doctors tell us. Part of the organizing was some paper work which I needed from two oncology specialist, one being my full-time doctor and the other who has been following my case from Adelaide. Both signed off to say I had less than twelve months to live. OK I know I can do better than this but the point being in reality I am more than likely not going to beat this dreaded disease. This doesn't mean I will not stay positive and will do everything possible to beat it, but reflecting back on my mindset 18 months ago this is a big shift in mindset. I will keep my positive attitude right through to the end and hopefully this will be many years down the track. Scans and cancer cell counts coming up soon so will have more idea of where I am heading from this, meanwhile the Chemo roller coaster continues.

Is the new treatment working????????

Here I am 4 weeks to the day from my last post. Yes sitting in the Chemo ward again sucking up all those serious drugs, trying to keep this deadly disease at bay. My cancer cell counts are still headed north, up over 245 now. Is the new treatment working? I am going to have a CT scan in the next few weeks which will give us a better indication. I had a meeting with one of the specialist from Adelaide who has been involved in my case. He is now leaning towards the SIRT Sphere treatment, but will make that decision once we get the CT results back. As I have mentioned before it is a very hard core treatment, which does put some fear factor into my head, but at the end of the day I have nothing to lose and if it helps I am all for it.
Today is Meghan and my wedding anniversary of 5 years. I am more in love with her now than ever before, if that is possible. She is my Rock and my best Friend. Meghan did not deserve to have my Cancer thrust upon her and turn her life upside down, for this I apologise, but she has been the one person who has kept me positive and able to get out of bed every day and face the continual side effects and the ongoing mental battle I have going on in my head. Happy Anniversary Beautiful and hoping for many more.
Wish me luck with my next set of results and remember don’t dwell on small issues, life is too short. Live each day as if it is your last. I Do!

Time to Attack

Today I sit here in the Chemo unit attached to a drip which is releasing new warfare into my body to hopefully stop the current onslaught of the Cancer. I went back to see Dr K on Monday and yes my cancer cell count is still rising rapidly, now up to 165.
We spoke in depth about the new treatment. At the end of the day it is very similar to the first treatment I had just a couple of different drugs. First round treatment had a dramatic effect on the cancer to the point of slaughtering my bowel tumor. Dr K told me in no uncertain terms second round treatment is nowhere near as effective as the first so don’t expect similar results.
We did have a conversation about the SIRT treatment which I have had on the back burner to use when all else fails. Dr K suggested it may be wise to draw this wild card sooner than later. The reason being the longer I am on Chemo the more it is eating my body away, and may get to the stage where I will not pass the criteria to have the treatment. In amongst our conversation he alluded to the fact he was not confident the new treatment will have the effect I am expecting. Of course I am expecting to cure this terrible disease, but in reality that may not be the case. I will now contact the specialist down in Melbourne and start the process of preparing for the SIRT treatment. More than likely this will not take place for a few months by the time we get sorted. Not looking forward to it as everything I have read confirms it is very heavy duty and will take all my strength to go through the treatment. For now I will attack the tumors as hard as I can with the new drugs and hopefully have some good results soon.
Life goes on and I am still making sure I enjoy everyday.

Last day of current treatment but something is not right

Obvious statement under the current circumstances I suppose!
What I mean is usually at the end of my chemo cycle I feel very flat, but thIs time I feel there is something not right. Can I explain it, No, I have got to a stage where I understand how my body is reacting to the chemo and cancer in some werid way. Maybe it is just overdoing our Christmas trip away, and if is the case, I am happy to suffer as it was great to catch up with everyone from Family to Friends.Thanks to everyone who took time out to catch up, it means so much to me. On another note, I have been following a guys life through a blog site. He has the same cancer as myself, both bowel & liver. Some of you might have heard of him, Kristian Anderson, he was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey when she was in Australia. He was diagnosed back in Oct 2008 and died Monday this week.How does this make me feel to know someone with the same diagnosis only managed to live for two years? I think it has hit me harder than I realize and has added to my low emotional state which happens at this stage of my chemo cycle. I could just accept it as the inevitable and start planning my demise or I could be selfish and think it makes my odds better as the survival rate for my cancer is only 1 in 20. Yes that low. So I am still here keeping positive and hoping I will last long enough till they find a cure for this terrible disease. I suspect the next round of chemo treatment is going to knock me around quite a bit and I am starting to prepare myself to slow down at work. This is the worst thing that can happen emotionally to me as it means the cancer is effecting the life I love so much, and for this I can not express how much I hate this bloody cancer. It's bad enough the life changes I have already had to suffer, but to now effect the job I love doing is really going to hurt. I must admit my company are fully supportive and have offered to support me through this period, which is fantastic. I obviously still have the great support of my Family and will never let it effect the time I spend with Meghan & Sammy, as if there does come a day when all they have is memories, I want to be remembered for the good times and not some lifeless body laying in a bed being consumed by cancer. But that's not going to happen as my positivity has not weaned, I might stray of track every now and then, which I put down to chemo brain, but deep down I know I can beat this bloody cancer.
Sorry for such a long blog, but as you can tell I needed to get it of my chest and this is why a started this blog in the first place. Wish me luck as I start my next treatment and I will update soon.

One to Cancer, time to regroup and fight back

I went back to see Dr K on my regular 3 week cycle. We did speak last time about alternitives if my cancer cell count was to keep increasing. Well they have spiked to 145 so immediate action required. I will be going back onto full blown  fortnightly treatment as of January. Hopefully the new drugs will stop the increasing cell counts and if all goes well start reducing again. It does mean I will be back on the rollercoaster of feeling very sick and emotional when I have the treatment. Dr K has told me to slow down again and mentioned I now have no choice as the treatment will make me need more rest. I have started to get some pain in the liver region so back onto the pain killers, which has helped. Although it is a set back, in some ways a am relieved as it was starting to worry me with the increase in cancer cell counts and taking no action. At least we are getting back into the ring to fight again. Well its nearly Xmas and will be spending it with my Family and friends for the first time in many years and then catchup with Meghan's family as well. Merry Xmas and Happy New Year to all.

CT results in and just treading water

I had my appointment with Dr K yesterday. I was not expecting any good results. Meghan came with me, and for her to come with me means she was thinking the same as I was. The outcome could have been worst but now have more to play on my mind. The tumors on my liver are stable and are about the same size as previous scan, so reasonably happy with that. My tumor markers are still rising and are over 100 now. Not good. This scan also showed 3 spots in my lungs which at this stage can not be identified as they are small in size. Dr K played down the fact they maybe tumors, but it is really hard to get it out of your head when my tumor markers are rising and no growth in the liver. Seems a big coincidence!! We have decided to continue the same treatment for now, but had a lengthy discussion on what treatments are available when we feel the current treatment is no longer working. We still have one more protocol left to try before I need to call on my last resort down in Melbourne. So looks like I will be around for a while yet which is positive, but am preparing myself for some tough times over the next year. Still working full time and loving my job, but Dr K keeps telling me to slow down. I think I will have no choice soon, as even now I get to 3 o'clock in the afternoon and I hit a brick wall. I must admit I have been lucky thus far to be able to continue a normal life, well as normal as you can when you have the weight of cancer on you. I am about to embark on some pet therapy. Yes we are getting a dog. My dream of having a Boxer is about to come true. Ralph (that is his name) will be joining the family after Christmas. I will attach a picture on my next blog.
If nothing else, I have learnt to enjoy everyday and not get bogged down in the minor speed bumps we encounter. I hope everyone can take something from this as life is too short for negativity.

No good news but remain positive

Hi All, it’s been a while since my last blog, mainly because i have not had any good news to share. My cancer cell counts continue to rise, they delayed my Chemo by a week as my blood tests were no good, and generally I have not been feeling the best. I am back on Chemo again and had a CT scan a couple of days ago. Hopefully this will give us some insight into why my cancer cell counts have been increasing. So not expecting very good results from my next appointment with Dr K.  At the end of the day I just want to know so I can plan my next attack strategy to beat this terrible disease. I have a feeling the cancer is getting the better of my current chemo. It maybe I will be seeing my secret weapon down in Melbourne quicker than expected. Mentally I admit I have been struggling but managing to keep on top of it. Meghan has been my rock, and has had to console me at times when I have just needed to let it all out. I am not scared of dying, but I am enjoying my life (apart from the obvious). Work is great and achieving most of what I set out to do here in Darwin. Family life is fantastic and that is why I worry so much. I don’t want to leave Meghan and Sam for a long time yet.

I will update everyone after my next Doctor’s appointment on the 30th of November.

Wish me luck.

Is this the beginning of the end

Sounds a bit dramatic but I cannot get this thought out of my head. Last visit to see Dr K was not so good. The tumor markers which stabilized, have risen from 60 to 83. I was given the same reasoning as previous, a new tumor or overactive current tumors. Either way it tells me the cancer is getting the better of the chemo. It was always going to be a race to see who would win, and it looks like the devil is winning. This just gives me more reason to stick to my plan after my next CT scan now booked for the 16th of November. I will definitely be contacting the Specialist in Melbourne as per my last blog.  Ready to hit it hard before the cancer takes control. Other blood counts are not so good either, Hemoglobin and platelets are well down on recommended levels but the good news is my white blood cells are just within the normal range which is helping fight off any other diseases try to get in on the act. Just about to go on a 9 day holiday with my two best friends, my wife Meghan and little boy Sam. Off to Bali, and yes will need to be very careful of what I do and eat, but can't live in a cocoon. So I think the rest will do me the world of good and come back ready to keep the fight going.
Cancer but positive? the positive at this stage is I will keep fighting to the very end.

Tumor markers have stabilized

I have just had my latest results come through from my 3 weekly blood tests and my tumor markers have not increased from my last test, still sitting at 60. This is good but still a concern. Dr K thinks it could be another tumor growing but not big enough to show up on the CT scan as yet, or its just the tumors in my liver being overactive, let’s hope for the latter. The chemo has hit me fairly hard this past cycle and I am just about to go back in tomorrow for another round. I suppose after 12 months of continuously being feed lethal noxious drugs which would kill an elephant you have to expect not to be doing cartwheels around the house. I will continue with the 24 tablets a day and hopefully find a cure to this dreadful disease before the chemo takes me. I have been researching and contacting various clinics to see if I could be suitable for a liver transplant and after exhausting all avenues the answer is no. main issue I have now been on chemo for so long the doctors tell me I am too higher risk due to my low immune system to operate and my body actually accepting the transplant. So my focus has now turned to how we can go about killing the tumors in my liver before they take over. I am going to pull out the wild card and contact the specialist in Melbourne and discuss options after my next CT scan in November, and there are some options of which some are still in trail stages but never the less seem to have good results so far.

Well fingers crossed I continue to see good results and hopefully in November have a plan in place to wipe out the enemy.

Sometimes I surprise myself with my positivity!!!!!!! This is one of my good days. I don’t blog on the bad ones. Bye for now.

12 months to the day since diagnosed with this life changing disease.

I find it hard to believe myself it was 12 months ago since I sat in the Dr Michael Ryan’s office on the Sunshine Coast after a routine check up to be told I had Cancer and had between 6 to 24 months to live.

So what did I do????? Firstly I did not accept the fact I was going to die. Yes the statistics tell me otherwise, but all research seems to be on older patients and less fit than I was. Life needed to go on and not just “go home and get my affairs in order” as it was so nicely put to me. So you would think I would have just gone back to my regular way of life and set about beating this disease. No, we as a family transferred to Darwin and I took on a huge task of getting 2 of the largest Hotels in the group back on track. Now when I look back on this period it was really intense. Meghan had to leave a job she loved, Sam had to move out of an Early learning Centre he was very happy at and we had to pack everything up and move to a city we virtually knew nothing about. Twelve months later and I feel it was the right decision. It has been the toughest period of my life and obviously for Meghan as well. She didn’t count on marrying a cancer patient! So diagnosed with stage 4a cancer. Bowel tumor and a liver riddled with lesions. Not much hope given from the medical profession. Now I have beaten the bowel tumor and the liver lesions have been reducing on a slow but steady basis. Overall I have coped well I think and have had good results. I’m still here and that has to be a good thing. In medical terms I am “stable”, which means I can expect to live for a while yet. I can now focus on not just surviving but actually beating the cancer. I am a realist and know I will have to live with this for the rest of my life even if I go into remission there will always be the chance of it returning. The upside to all this, if there can be one is I have a whole different perspective on life and if it wasn’t life threatening I would recommend it to everyone. I won’t go through my new take on life, just to say I enjoy every day, and day to day issues are no longer relevant. How’s this for a crazy statement. I am now more relaxed in my day to day life than I have ever been!!!!

So enough for now as you will all get bored and continue surfing the net. Just a quick update from my previous blog. CT scans came back showing more lesions than the PET scan but they have reduced from the last CT scan so still heading the right direction.  Biggest worry at present is my tumor blood markers have increased again to 60 and no one can tell me why. Again I thank everyone who has supported me over the last 12 months as it keeps me focused on beating this disease.

Nervous about CT scan results coming up

I had my CT scan this week and waiting to go back to see Dr K on Monday. I really haven’t been feeling so great over this past chemo cycle. Physically I have been drained and haven’t felt this bad for about six months ago when I was on the full blown chemo. I have had a big couple of weeks at work which I know hasn’t helped, which my Beautiful Wife Meghan has reminded me of. She understands I need to work too keep my mind active but yes I need to get the right balance. Mentally the CT results have been playing on my mind. What if the PET scan is wrong and I haven’t seen any reduction in the tumors which would account for the higher CEA blood counts??? Or it could be the scan will prove the PET scans correct which would be fantastic. The only reason I have doubts is the high CEA result and the way I have been feeling and just yesterday I found a lump in my armpit. I will raise this with Dr K and hopefully it is nothing, but when you are not 100% these things weigh on your mind. All will be revealed in 2 days at the appointment.
Wish me luck and will update again after my Doctors appointment.

Lastest results have left me in Limbo

I am now back from Brisbane and had my PET scan. Went back to see Dr K and the PET scan results told us they could only find signs of a tumor in the right lobe of my liver. Fantastic news, BUT Dr K bought me straight back down to earth. He suggested the results may be floored and for various reasons may not be showing all the cancer spots in my liver. Looking at the big picture the results are still good, as one of the reasons they may not be showing up on the scan is they have reduced enough in size not to show up. If I compare to my last PET scan nearly 12 months ago where they could see two large tumors and a multitude of splattering throughout my liver to now only showing one tumor is a great result. So I will keep again keep positive and look at this as a good improvement. I also had my regular blood tests. The results of this are not so good. My tumor markers have increased again to 43. So in one hand we are saying the cancer is reducing in my liver but the tumor markers are telling us an increase in activity, hence my state of limbo. We have decided to do CT scans and have another close look at the liver and hopefully they will support the PET scan and show a reduction. So a CT scan and back to see DR K before the end of the month. Wish me luck. I am still on the chemo cycle and managing the side effects day by day. Working fulltime keeps my mind occupied pushes me to get out of bed everyday although some days are a struggle. Not sure how I am feeling emotionally at the moment. Maybe I am just too impatient, but I just want to know my exact situation so I can plan an attack on the cancer. Now nearly 12 months since I was diagnosed and funny enough although it has turned my world upside down it is now just a part of my life and take it in my stride and push forward every day. I have made fantastic progress from last year so I am very lucky considering the Doctors told me to go home and get my “affairs” in order. In other words prepare to die within the next 6 to 24 months!! I think the prognosis is much better now and my goal is to be able to go into remission in this year.
Thanks to everyone who has supported me over the last year, I would not be where I am now without this support. I will update again once I have the CT scan results.

Back on the Chemo Rollercoaster again

First cycle of my 3 week cycle completed since my short break. I started cycle 6 of the Avistin and Xeloda treatment toady. Intravenous dose this morning and two weeks of tablets with a week’s break after that. This will bring me up to ten months since I started Chemo. I have learnt a lot over this time and too much to mention in this blog, but the two main things have been, I would not wish cancer on my worst enemy, it’s not just the physical aspect but also the emotional roller coaster you take. The second is you really find out who your friends are and how much they really mean, and I need to mention my Family who are by my side through all of this feeling every emotion I feel. I still have a long way to go but remain positive I will see little Sammy grow up into a man. Blood tests this cycle are not so good. My CEA count, (cancer cell count in blood stream) has risen slightly from 20 to 28, and my white cell count is down. No cause for panic but will need to keep an eye on this and hope they do not get any worse. Off to Brisbane next week for my PET scan which I am looking forward to receiving the results from. I can then sit down with Dr K and discuss the best options to destroy this cancer.  I will be also sending the results to my secret weapon down in Melbourne. I have been keeping a specialist up to date with my progress and using him as my second opinion. He is at the cutting edge of research for cancer at a large hospital and has all the right connections. Just keeping Dr K honest. He has a couple of treatments up his sleeve which we may need to call on if the Chemo treatments start to go pear shaped. Hopefully I will not need to draw this card but always good to have a plan B.
The next blog will hopefully have some good news after the scan results, so wish me luck and thanks to all who continue to support me.

FIRST ROUND KNOCKOUT AND BACK INTO THE RING TO FIGHT AGAIN

I am sitting back in the oncology unit t as I post this blog, hooked up to bags of poisonous drugs which not only kill the cancer but every other cell it comes into contact with. That’s the way it works, but believe it or not I am happy just to be back in the ring fighting the killer disease which has turned my life upside down. I had a great meeting with my Oncology Doctor who I call Dr K. I explained in no uncertain terms that I am not willing to sit back and be diagnosed as “stable” after each scan I have. I want to do everything in my power to beat this and if he was not willing help I would have to look elsewhere. He sat back in his seat and I could tell he does not get this type of reaction very often. I am sure most people just take his word for it and prepare themselves to die. Not Me!!! So straight into action goes DrK, we decide to put me back onto Chemo the next day and up the dosage. We also organized to have a PET scan (this is the ultimate scan which shows every last cancerous cell in my liver), which I have to travel down to Brisbane for at the end of July as they do not have a machine in Darwin. Once we have the results of this we will discuss next steps, and it looks like we have a few options, which I will not go into as yet until we are better equipped to make a decision. So now I am back in the ring and ready to go for another Knockout. This time it may take more than one round to beat this hefty opponent, as the big C has a pretty big strangle hold on my liver, but I know if I can keep on top of it I will eventually take it down. The bell rings and into the ring I step yet again,
WISH ME LUCK.

The Good the Bad and the Ugly

I have now had my colonoscopy (not a pleasant experience I tell you) and went back to the Doctor to get the results, not really knowing what to expect so was very apprehensive. Was he going to tell me the Tumor was still growing and needs to be removed or was everything just Ok and life goes on??? He sat me down in his nice big office and put his glasses on and proceeded to review my results. It felt like 1/2 an hour had passed but in reality was most probably 1 to 2 minutes. He then looked up at me and said quote “I could not find the Tumor". My first thought was he a doctor or a quack, why couldn't he find it? I made out I didn't hear him and asked him to repeat himself. He then proceeded to tell me he could see where it was but now gone. Just some scaring which he took samples of and came back with no problems. How Good is that!!!! I was facing an operation to remove the tumor which would have had me on my back for 6 weeks and a colostomy bag for at least 3 months. So at this stage this will not be the case. That’s the good news.
The Bad & Ugly is this will not make any difference to my ultimate life expectancy. I still have the liver to contend with which what has control of my life span. Now 4 weeks off from Chemo whilst we have got the good news means now I am 4 weeks behind the battle with my liver. The Cancer has had a chance to regroup and build up some strength. I am meeting with my Oncology Doctor next Monday and discuss next steps and I will raise the option of going back onto full chemo treatment rather than the maintenance treatment which has not been successful in reducing the cancer in my liver. I am over the side effect now which is the reason why they changed my treatment in the first place. Yes it will be tough, but no glory sitting on the bench watching the team get beaten, (old football term). So maybe I might be jumping back onto the rollercoaster, which I don’t mind as I cannot sit here "Stable" and watch my life go by without doing everything possible to beat this. It is really hard when you don't know how long you have and what to do in this time. I now just take every day as it comes and enjoy the time with my fantastic family. Every time I see little Sammy smile and laugh makes it all worthwhile fighting the fight. This is the one thing this dreaded disease has done for me. Enjoy life and not worry about the small things. Remember this everyone, and not wait until something like this happens to wake us up.

First step backwards

I went for chemo today and the Oncology Doctor would not let me have the treatment. This is the first time I have not been able to be treated. This is an emotional step backwards for me as I feel it is the first sign of my acceptance that I am not going as well as think. I now have to have another colonoscopy before they will allow me to have chemo again if they find no issues. If there is a problem it may mean surgery to remove the tumor. The complication is my liver is riddled with cancer and to stop chemo may mean growth of the cancer which I have worked so hard to bring under control.
I still have a positive frame of mind, but finding it hard to maintain. I will keep fighting on and realize it will only get harder from now on.

Stable, what does it mean?

I have had my latest scan and follow up Doctors appointment, which Meghan came along to give support as she does everyday. In a nutshell, I came out of his office feeling like a just played in a sports game which ended up in a draw. The Doctor said there was minimal change in my results compared to the last scan, which is good that there has been no cancer growth, but on the other hand no reduction. The Doctor seemed happy with this result and expected it. When I probed deeper he said if my condition remained stable he would be happy until the current treatment stopped working and then we would have to look at changing again. Eventually the chemo will not be effective, so I hope we can beat it before getting to this stage. We asked the big question on life expectancy as you do! The answer. Same as I have been told before, 6 to 24 months from diagnosis. This is the standard spiel from every Doctor I have spoken to. Quote "research tells us this is the average time frame". Blah Blah!!! Looks like I will need to improve these statistics. As I write this blog I have just spent the last 8 hours in the ED at the Darwin Hospital. The tumor in my bowel bled today, which scared the hell out of me, but after multiple tests I got the all clear, but not really knowing why it happened. It could not have been due to a growth in the tumor as the scan showed no growth. We are hoping it was due to the tumor breaking down, but no proof of this. So just another trip to the Emergency Department, another day in my life now. Meghan and Sammy came out to see me with Sam also accepting it is now a part of Daddy's life and takes it for granted. I hope one day this will be just a memory for him and we never see the inside of that dreaded Hospital. Back to have my 17th round of chemo tomorrow and continue the fight against the big C.
Life goes on

Ramblings of a cancer patient

Not sure what I am going to write here but feel compelled to let my thoughts out, as this is why I started this blog in the first place, so here I go.

 I went to the oncology unit on Wednesday for Chemo treatment only to find out another patient I have gotten to know passed away. She was a lovely woman who always had a smile on her face and her husband was by her side for each visit. They have young children who now have no mother. Cancer is an evil disease which can turn your world upside down and is so unfair. This is now 2 wonderful people I have got to know whilst in Darwin who have had their lives taken far too early. It makes me realise I am not invincible and need to look after myself. It is not the cancer in some cases which delivers the final blow but other complications due to a low immune system. As you know from my blogs I am very positive but it still leaves a thought in the back of my mind it can happen to me without warning. It may sound dramatic but it is like having a hit man looking for me, as  I could suffer the same fate as the friends I made and then had taken away. Don’t get me wrong I am doing very well and have my CEA results down to 20, which is fantastic, considering they were at 5,500 last October. I expect this won’t change much now until I have surgery to remove the tumour from my bowel. The doctors are happy to leave it there until we have my liver under control, so could be near the end of the year or even early next year if no complications in the meantime. Good news is I have feeling back in my hands and feet which is great, but ironically I broke 2 toes a fortnight ago and I definitely have the feeling back!!! I have my next lot of scans at the end of this month which will give us a better indication of how I am going, so will blog again once I get the results. So fingers crossed everyone and wish me luck.

9 weeks into the new treatment

So now 3 cycles into the new drug Xeloda, and as per the doctor’s comments on the side effects, my feet and hands are giving me hell. I have managed to keep the blistering at bay and have had minimal peeling by using hemp oil every day. The main problem is the pain and tenderness in my fingertips and feet to the point I have to get Meghan to button up my shirt each morning ready for work. I also have really bad skin itches all over my body, which drives me crazy but am taking antihistamine tablets to help. Yes another tablet to the menu of 25 pills. My last visit to the doctor was positive with my CEA blood markers reducing further to 25 from a previous 40, so still dropping although at a slower rate now that they are getting lower. I suspect they will not change much now until I have an operation to remove the tumor in my bowel. The Doctors still think we can wait for this operation until the end of the year or early next year if I have no problems in the meantime and concentrate on the liver. Strange to think the root of all my sickness is still sitting in my body and we are happy to leave it there for now!!!! Scans have been booked in for the end of May and this will be the real test to see how I am progressing, especially with the tumors in my liver. Fingers crossed they have reduced further from my last scan back in January. I have gained 2 kilos in weight over the past 3 weeks and am back to my original weight before being diagnosed. I still get very tired and the drugs have affected my short term memory which is very annoying. I have managed to maintain my normal work routine, but at times struggle and wonder for how much longer I can do this at this level. It is one of the things which keeps me going so I will keep pushing myself within my limits and hopefully will be able to keep going. I just don't want to be one of the many sufferers who cannot work and stay at home and have their life ruled by this dreadful disease. It is my little boy, Sam’s third birthday soon (May 25^th) and I am thankful for everyday we spend together and intend to celebrate many more birthdays in the years to come.

For now all the results are pointing in the right direction and I remain as positive as ever.

early days but so far OK

I just had my first cycle of the new treatment and whilst I realise it is only early days, it seemed to be better than the previous, as far as how it affects me. Rather than a full-blown hit in one day and taking up to 10 days to start to feel half normal, it is spread out over 2 weeks. So just feels like waking up with a very large hangover every day and it not going away, would be the best description I can give. The side effects with this treatment are mainly peeling and blistering of the feet and hands. This is already prevalent and am using Hemp oil to combat it getting too bad. I have my first check up with the doctor next Wednesday and am hoping to get another scan done, as the last was back in January. Hoping to see positive results again, fingers crossed.
As my results since starting Chemo have been so good, I now face the demons in the back of my mind telling me this can't continue forever and a relapse may occur, as the doctor so kindly told me last visit (thanks doctor). I fight this thinking and remain strong in my thought process, and hoping the next lot of results will kill these unwanted thoughts. My Beautiful Wife and Son are by my side everyday giving me all the support they can, and i have family and friends from all over the country calling me to let me know they are here for me. Thank you to everyone without this support I would be curled up in the corner somewhere letting this terrible disease beat me.

Next steps after 6 months of my Rollercoaster ride

Had my Doctor’s appointment yesterday to determine my next steps as far as treatment goes. The current treatment has shown great results so in a way a will be disappointed to change but on the flip side the side effects and rollercoaster ride I will not miss.

The doctor has put me on a tablet form of Chemo now. This will involve about taking about 8 tablets a day on top of the 14 I currently take. Yes I will rattle as I walk!!! I will need to go into the Clinic every 3 weeks to have 1 drug still administered intravenously and then 2 weeks of tablets and one week off. I am hoping this will reduce my current side effects and stop the rollercoaster I am currently experiencing as it will be daily treatment. Obviously the new drugs still have side effects as well but will deal with these as they arise. The only negative to the appointment was the Doctor thinks at some stage my cancer cell count will increase as the cells become resistant to the drugs. We have other options once this happens, so not all that bad. Would be great to get to a remission stage before this happens, but I might be aiming too high, but that will be my target. Let’s hope the new drugs are as effective as the old ones.

No-one really knows

the pain associated with Chemo treatments. As per my last post the side effects are really kicking in, and I now know how other cancer suffers feel. I am the lucky one as it hasn't really hit me until now. I am not going to describe how it feels as to be honest I cannot. It is a whole different feeling and is just with you 24/7. I think besides the physical side effects such as mouth ulcers, skin irritations, numbness in my feet and hands etc., it is the constant tiredness which gets to you. Just getting through the day is a chore, and no one wants to spend their life just trying to get through the day without enjoying it.

I realise this may seems a bit left field for me as I am always positive. This has not changed and I am still really happy with my progress. The Specialist in Melbourne has got back to me and is very happy with my results to date, which is great to hear. As far as the removal of my bowel tumour, he recommends to just leave it for now and most probably the rest of the year unless it starts to create any problems. I am OK with this as now I can plan a nice holiday with my Family who deserve it more than I do.

One more full treatment next Wednesday then a Doctor’s appointment to discuss the Maintenance program I will be going on. I will update once I have had the Doctor’s appointment.

Thank you All again for the support I am receiving.

Scan results back and looking good!!!!!!!

So had my Doctors appointment on Wednesday and the scan results were very good again with the two main lesions in my liver reducing by approx 7mm. It may not sound much but in my world it is a good effort.  The Doctors told me I might only have 2 more treatments on the current dosage levels of Chemo and then go onto a maintenance style Chemo. This sounds much better as it is just taking tablets each day instead of having a drip attached for 2 and  a half days.  I am getting to a stage after 10 treatments were the side effect are really kicking in and lasting longer and I was starting to get concerned if I was going to be able to keep up my current work pace for much longer. I love my work and this keeps me going along with my family and friends. The break from full blown treatment will be great. I am about to send all results to a very good Oncology Doctor in Melbourne who will now give a second opinion and he will also be make the decision on what to do with my bowel tumor. Hopefully I will know within a month whether I need radiation treatment or they can operate soon. I expect it will be radiation as the tumor in my bowel has not reduced in size but has not grown either. We expected this as the Chemo was focused on the liver, so all good. Thanks to everyone for all the support again and I appreciate it immensely.