A Big Risk has been taken and I have walked out the other side Alive

Well here I am "ALIVE". I did have my doubts at stages after the treatment, I kept thinking no one can be in this much pain and survive, yes I know but I cannot begin to compare to anything expect having some drive a serrated knife into your stomac and twist it. Not that I have but heel it must be close to the feel.once they sort the pain killers out by day 3 I was much happier. Going into the theatre it was good to see Dr Mattreghan again as I was really comfortable with him aver the last treatment which he preformed. He even had a bit of a joke with me which I responded with all ok for him he was standing up and I was the one on the table with no clothes on and surgical antiseptic swaps all over me. Dr Choo was the Dr implanting the sir spheres and was very happy with his research of all the other angiograms and exactly what needed to be done. So confidence level prior to going under was up high. After about two hours they had me out and coherent again which I obvious was fairly happy about. Not long back on wards and they had me back in for scans to ensure all the implanted soldiers went in to the correct battle zones for ultimate impact. The two nights I spent in the hospital were terrible the fact I was still finding my pain levels and nausea meant I was only getting about two hours sleep so the rest of the time was spent throwing up and in pain. Nice. Today is one week from the day of the treatment and I must admit I am 100% better than last week at the same time, that is a good sign, the only concern I currently have is the amount of morphine I need to take to get through. I am now recording how many and times and stretch out as long as possible and as the pain subsides so will the need for drugs. I have my next Docs appointment on Monday so will know more but in reality will not have quantifiable results for 3 months. In the mean time some reduction in tumor marker would be great. Thank you to all who sent messages and phone calls over the last week it has meant a lot to both Meghan, Sam and myself. I will post in a few weeks when I have some results and hopefully feeling better. thank you All once more

SIRT Procedure Complete - Status Update

Hi Everyone, It's Meghan, just submitting a short post to let you all know how David went with this SIRT procedure today. In total the procedure took approximately two hours, he was also in recovering a couple of hours afterwards, by the time I got to see David, he was experiencing a significant amount of pain and nausea, the nausea has since abated as he has been provided with anti nausea medication however he states the pain is still significant. The doctor reported that the procedure went well, as they were able to get a majority of the drug into his body. He is currently having an MRI and CT scan to establish where the spheres actually ended up. The doctor has indicated that David will be discharged tomorrow and can fly home to Darwin soon after. We will assess how he is feeling on Saturday morning and determine when he will be comfortable to fly. I would just like to take this opportunity to say how proud both Sam and I are of David and how much we love him. Thank you for reading this blog post and for all the support that everyone has shown to David, Sam and I. Meghan xo

Countdown to the big one

Final angiogram went well and now have $8500 Worth of platinum in my liver in the form of minute springs to block blood flow leakage out of my liver. Docs tell me I have two blood vessels which they could not close off which will cause me some pain after the treatment. thanks Guys!!! But cannot be helped. Short term pain for long term again. I hope. Everything I have researched on this treatment re- enforces the risks involved with this. But I have had plenty of time to think about it and am comfortable I am doing the right thing. For those who have been reading my blogs for awhile now would know I am not prepared to just sit back and be another satistic in the Cancer world. The Docs seem to think it will add another 1 to 2 years to my life expectancy so definitely worth the risk. The trouble is I do not have any idea on how long I have at present. The idea is to stay alive as long as possible and hope like hell they find a cure to this terrible disease. Meaghan again will be my Rock over the treatment as she will be by my side for the entire time. Sammy will be having some one on one time with his Nan Nan, so thank you Monica, it means so much to us to have your support. I most probally won't have a chance to talk to many of you before the treatment, so I am counting on all your energy and hope to be directed at me on Thursday so all will go well. To say I am a bit apprehensive would be a understatement, but continue to keep positive and I am sure even though my body will be in overload my mind will take over and keep me strong. So the next time you will hear from me I expect I will be through the treatment and have some positive news for you. Again wish me luck and speak soon.

One more Angiogram and then the Big Attack

How things change in such a short period of time? Since my last blog the Specialist rang and said I need to go back for another angiogram, as a precaution in readiness for the assault on these liver tumors. So same treatment again, the difference this time I feel much better than the last time I had the treatment. I have been off Chemo for a month now and starting to feel like a real person again instead of a walking Zombie. I could get used to this and have some quality of life back. Dreaming! , I am just about to inject a lethal dose of Chemo into my liver and the side & after effects will not be pretty. Dr K said we will recommence my regular chemo cycle 2 weeks after the Sirsphere treatment all going well. Now that’s something to look forward to. I will make the most of this good feeling for the next 10 days or so. Strange to get excited about feeling normal!!!!So here I am sitting here waiting to be admitted for my next work up treatment, Sunday the 27th and expect to be back in Darwin on Tuesday all going well. Ten days later I will be back for the Major attack on this bloody cancer. Funny I still ask myself is this the right track to take???? And then its moments like Sammy’s 4th Birthday last Friday and the joy I get from watching him grow up and how he looks up to me for guidance. I just can’t leave him and this keeps me fighting everyday to stay alive for as long as possible. Sammy is my inspiration and Meghan is my rock. Without my 2 best friends I may have just curled up and let the Cancer win. Thank you Guys for everything, I know it is not easy on both of you and for this you deserve better. To everyone else thank you for your support so far and it is now more than ever I need it as I go through this dangerous treatment. Wish me luck over the next 2 weeks.

It's ON, time to blast this cancer

I have just got back from my tests with the specialist down south. All went well and the Doctors have given the green light to perform the SIRT treatment. This is excellent news, as I have been planning this for quite awhile now and was always going to be last resort, and now that is really what it is. If I don't have the treatment now I may not be eligible further down the road. Lucky I did when I did as they had to block off approximately 8 blood vessels which were leaking out of my liver. So game on now. I feel like it is a bit like a war game, where we have gone in and done the recognizance and now have a plan in place to go in and catch this cancer by surprise and blow these tumors out of my body. Believe me it has not been an easy week. I left not feeling 100 percent and had a really bad case of mouth ulcers, which is one of the side effect of Chemo. They were so bad I got to the stage I could not eat or talk. I had the PET scan on Wednesday and all went week. I went back in on Thursday morning for the big test. The nurses took a heap of my blood as usual to check my levels. The doctor came to see me quite concerned in my current condition and said he could not perform the test in my state. They admitted me and hooked me up to a drip straight away. For a change it was good drugs being pumped into me to bring my levels to an acceptable level, so we had 24 hours to get me right. The Doctors were confident this was achievable and had organize for the test to be postponed until the Friday morning. To give an indication of my condition, I lost 9 kilos in 5 days. Friday morning came around and another blood test and the drugs had worked so into the nuclear medicine department. All up there where 4 doctors and 3 nurses. I was awake for the 2 1/2 hour procedure. They entered through my groin and put a catheter up into my liver and with the aid of the imaging unit were able to block off any leaking blood vessels. Obviously this is what the test was for. If I had anymore leaking vessels they may have not continued. It was a very uncomfortable procedure but came through OK. I was able to leave the hospital about 5.30 that afternoon. So no date set as yet but should know in the next few days but will be in the next 2 weeks. I will let you all know once organized. Wish me luck and thank you all for your support so far.

SIRT test dates set

I had my appointment with Dr K on Monday and he was organized with my test dates for the SIRT treatment. No wasting time, it will be next week. Wednesday a PET scan and Thursday the Angiogram to ensure the beads don't leak into other organs of my body which would be serious, I mean very serious so there is an element of risk with this treatment. If I pass the tests they will book me approximately in 2 weeks time for the treatment. I am nervous about the tests and hope all goes well otherwise all my research and work on his will be in vein. For those you do not know much on the SIRT treatment here is a link to a good website to explain the process. http://www.insideradiology.com.au/pages/view.php?T_id=32 I had my 8th treatment this week on my current protocol and it was the worst I have felt this time around. I would normally go back to work after the treatment and struggle through but not this time. I went straight home and crashed on the bed. Maybe the amount of chemo is catching up with me? The Doc keeps telling me it will be a matter of time. So maybe as per my last blog I will need to take a day off each fortnight to recover, we will see how I go. But a big month coming up if all goes ahead as the week between SIRT treatment I have another round og Chemo and the one the well after so will work out to 5 weeks in a row of treatment. Not sure my body can handle so much poison into my body continuously, but am sure the Doctors will know best and will rely on thier opinions. Please wish me luck for next week as I have ally riding on this. It is by no means going to be a cure but could aid to prolong my life expectancey. Fingers and toes crossed.

Time to bring out the Big Guns

It's been awhile since my last post, mainly because there has been so much happening at the moment. My last blood test showed the first drop in my tumor markers for a number of months. It was only a slight drop but better than an increase. The Chemo treatment is hitting me hard now as I go into the 7th cycle of this protocol. Not sure how long I will be able to keep working and at this stage would suspect it will only be the one or two days after the treatment I will need to rest and recover in the beginning. Dr K has been busy organizing for me to have the test which will decide if I can have the SIRT treatment, so looks like I will at least have the test and if eligible will have the treatment two weeks later. This can not be done in Darwin so will involve three flights down to the Royal Adelaide Hospital, where Dr K has the contacts to have the procedure done, whereas we originally where looking at Melbourne. I am under no illusions this treatment will really hit me hard and from all I have read including other cancer patients stories who have had the treatment. Apparently the three days after the treatment I will be so radioactive I will need to be in isolation for this period and some patients have likened it to the closest thing to dying, so will be no fun. But no pain no gain!!! I have an appointment with Dr K on Monday so will have a better idea on dates. On a brighter note I am looking forward to my 50th birthday coming up in mid June. My birthday is not until early July but the V8 cars are here in Darwin in June so organizing the party around this date. So far it looks like most of my Best Mates will be coming which will be fantastic, I only hope I will have recovered from the SIRT treatment if all goes ahead, bu cannot let this get in the way when only two years ago I and the Doctors did not think I would make 50! I will post again once I have more info on the upcoming fight with this terrible thing called Cancer.

Results are in but Jury is out

I had my appointment with Dr K on Monday with both blood & CT scan results in. Overall a positive outcome with my Cancer cell counts down slightly and the tumor sizes remaining stable, slight increase but not enough to worry about. We had the discussion about the SIRT Sphere treatment. The issue we face is if I don’t have it soon I may not be eligible due to my various organs becoming affected by the Chemo. Dr K will speak with the specialist in this field and get his opinion. Best case we could expect out of this treatment is to hopefully reduce the size of the tumors by 50% and pushing my luck kill off all the small tumors which are spotted throughout my liver. This would then give me a longer life span hopefully. I should know more in approximately 10 days. I am back in for CT scans this Friday, this time on my head. I have been suffering from constant headaches and Dr K just wants to make sure it has not spread to my brain, not much chance of that as many people think I don’t have one. Joking!!!! So again living on hope I hope the results are all clear. The current treatment is having an effect on me and I can feel myself having to struggle to get through the afternoons. Meghan and I have spoken about me giving up work, and at some stage I will have to give in and make that decision. I will know when that time comes and will not let my work suffer because of the cancer and resign before that happens, but for now I enjoy my work and will continue. I just reread my blog and noticed I have used the word Hope quite often. Obviously this is what I live on now and to date feel very lucky I have passed the original 18 month life expectancy timeframe and expect to continue to prove the Doctors wrong.

Scans complete and waiting for results

Wednesday I had my scans done and obviously you do not get any results there and then, so the waiting game starts. This is a tense time as I have a lot riding on these results. If they are not good I will more than likely be having SIRT Sphere treatment, which is like injecting the highest form of Chemo directly into my liver and from what I have read takes a lot to recover from. If the results are good well we will continue on the current treatment. Stressful time and to add to it was the passing of Jim Stynes from a 5 year battle with cancer, who is an .AFL football legend for those who are not from Australia. He has been an inspiration to me since I was diagnosed and yes I shed tears when I heard the news. If such a strong and determined man can fall from this disease what hope do I have. He leaves a beautiful family behind and this only makes it so much harder to accept and just makes me stronger to keep fighting. Monday is D day when I meet with Dr K and Meghan is coming, and you know it is an important appointment when Meghan comes and some big decisions may need to be made. I still sit back at times and wonder how I can go from jogging up the beach regularly on the Sunshine Coast 18 months ago to where I am now, not that I am angry or looking for pity, it just goes to show it can happen to anyone, so to everyone please do me one favour, go to the doctor and get tested. Don't be like me and find out when it is too late. I will update you all on the results next week, so keep your fingers crossed for some good news.
Thank you to all who continue to support me as I know everyone leads busy lives.
Bye for now

TIME TO REFLECT AND BE REALISTIC

It's been 18 months since first diagnosed with terminal cancer. Yes I remember the day very well. Of course the first question back then was how long? Six to eighteen months was the best they could give me. So I have made it to the top end of the average. The first twelve months gave me plenty of hope with fantastic results with the destruction of my bowel tumor. I thought this is going to be a walk in the park and will kick this cancer crap and live until I'm 85 or so. Is that the case now?? At some stage you have to be realistic. I was always told the liver was going to be my demise, and this is panning out to be true. Overall the tumors on my liver have improved since day one but not enough to make any difference to the end result. Meghan and I have been organizing for the future and we both realize it will more than likely not involve me. Just being realistic, because we cannot just put our head in the sand and not take note of what the doctors tell us. Part of the organizing was some paper work which I needed from two oncology specialist, one being my full-time doctor and the other who has been following my case from Adelaide. Both signed off to say I had less than twelve months to live. OK I know I can do better than this but the point being in reality I am more than likely not going to beat this dreaded disease. This doesn't mean I will not stay positive and will do everything possible to beat it, but reflecting back on my mindset 18 months ago this is a big shift in mindset. I will keep my positive attitude right through to the end and hopefully this will be many years down the track. Scans and cancer cell counts coming up soon so will have more idea of where I am heading from this, meanwhile the Chemo roller coaster continues.

Is the new treatment working????????

Here I am 4 weeks to the day from my last post. Yes sitting in the Chemo ward again sucking up all those serious drugs, trying to keep this deadly disease at bay. My cancer cell counts are still headed north, up over 245 now. Is the new treatment working? I am going to have a CT scan in the next few weeks which will give us a better indication. I had a meeting with one of the specialist from Adelaide who has been involved in my case. He is now leaning towards the SIRT Sphere treatment, but will make that decision once we get the CT results back. As I have mentioned before it is a very hard core treatment, which does put some fear factor into my head, but at the end of the day I have nothing to lose and if it helps I am all for it.
Today is Meghan and my wedding anniversary of 5 years. I am more in love with her now than ever before, if that is possible. She is my Rock and my best Friend. Meghan did not deserve to have my Cancer thrust upon her and turn her life upside down, for this I apologise, but she has been the one person who has kept me positive and able to get out of bed every day and face the continual side effects and the ongoing mental battle I have going on in my head. Happy Anniversary Beautiful and hoping for many more.
Wish me luck with my next set of results and remember don’t dwell on small issues, life is too short. Live each day as if it is your last. I Do!

Time to Attack

Today I sit here in the Chemo unit attached to a drip which is releasing new warfare into my body to hopefully stop the current onslaught of the Cancer. I went back to see Dr K on Monday and yes my cancer cell count is still rising rapidly, now up to 165.
We spoke in depth about the new treatment. At the end of the day it is very similar to the first treatment I had just a couple of different drugs. First round treatment had a dramatic effect on the cancer to the point of slaughtering my bowel tumor. Dr K told me in no uncertain terms second round treatment is nowhere near as effective as the first so don’t expect similar results.
We did have a conversation about the SIRT treatment which I have had on the back burner to use when all else fails. Dr K suggested it may be wise to draw this wild card sooner than later. The reason being the longer I am on Chemo the more it is eating my body away, and may get to the stage where I will not pass the criteria to have the treatment. In amongst our conversation he alluded to the fact he was not confident the new treatment will have the effect I am expecting. Of course I am expecting to cure this terrible disease, but in reality that may not be the case. I will now contact the specialist down in Melbourne and start the process of preparing for the SIRT treatment. More than likely this will not take place for a few months by the time we get sorted. Not looking forward to it as everything I have read confirms it is very heavy duty and will take all my strength to go through the treatment. For now I will attack the tumors as hard as I can with the new drugs and hopefully have some good results soon.
Life goes on and I am still making sure I enjoy everyday.

Last day of current treatment but something is not right

Obvious statement under the current circumstances I suppose!
What I mean is usually at the end of my chemo cycle I feel very flat, but thIs time I feel there is something not right. Can I explain it, No, I have got to a stage where I understand how my body is reacting to the chemo and cancer in some werid way. Maybe it is just overdoing our Christmas trip away, and if is the case, I am happy to suffer as it was great to catch up with everyone from Family to Friends.Thanks to everyone who took time out to catch up, it means so much to me. On another note, I have been following a guys life through a blog site. He has the same cancer as myself, both bowel & liver. Some of you might have heard of him, Kristian Anderson, he was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey when she was in Australia. He was diagnosed back in Oct 2008 and died Monday this week.How does this make me feel to know someone with the same diagnosis only managed to live for two years? I think it has hit me harder than I realize and has added to my low emotional state which happens at this stage of my chemo cycle. I could just accept it as the inevitable and start planning my demise or I could be selfish and think it makes my odds better as the survival rate for my cancer is only 1 in 20. Yes that low. So I am still here keeping positive and hoping I will last long enough till they find a cure for this terrible disease. I suspect the next round of chemo treatment is going to knock me around quite a bit and I am starting to prepare myself to slow down at work. This is the worst thing that can happen emotionally to me as it means the cancer is effecting the life I love so much, and for this I can not express how much I hate this bloody cancer. It's bad enough the life changes I have already had to suffer, but to now effect the job I love doing is really going to hurt. I must admit my company are fully supportive and have offered to support me through this period, which is fantastic. I obviously still have the great support of my Family and will never let it effect the time I spend with Meghan & Sammy, as if there does come a day when all they have is memories, I want to be remembered for the good times and not some lifeless body laying in a bed being consumed by cancer. But that's not going to happen as my positivity has not weaned, I might stray of track every now and then, which I put down to chemo brain, but deep down I know I can beat this bloody cancer.
Sorry for such a long blog, but as you can tell I needed to get it of my chest and this is why a started this blog in the first place. Wish me luck as I start my next treatment and I will update soon.

One to Cancer, time to regroup and fight back

I went back to see Dr K on my regular 3 week cycle. We did speak last time about alternitives if my cancer cell count was to keep increasing. Well they have spiked to 145 so immediate action required. I will be going back onto full blown  fortnightly treatment as of January. Hopefully the new drugs will stop the increasing cell counts and if all goes well start reducing again. It does mean I will be back on the rollercoaster of feeling very sick and emotional when I have the treatment. Dr K has told me to slow down again and mentioned I now have no choice as the treatment will make me need more rest. I have started to get some pain in the liver region so back onto the pain killers, which has helped. Although it is a set back, in some ways a am relieved as it was starting to worry me with the increase in cancer cell counts and taking no action. At least we are getting back into the ring to fight again. Well its nearly Xmas and will be spending it with my Family and friends for the first time in many years and then catchup with Meghan's family as well. Merry Xmas and Happy New Year to all.

CT results in and just treading water

I had my appointment with Dr K yesterday. I was not expecting any good results. Meghan came with me, and for her to come with me means she was thinking the same as I was. The outcome could have been worst but now have more to play on my mind. The tumors on my liver are stable and are about the same size as previous scan, so reasonably happy with that. My tumor markers are still rising and are over 100 now. Not good. This scan also showed 3 spots in my lungs which at this stage can not be identified as they are small in size. Dr K played down the fact they maybe tumors, but it is really hard to get it out of your head when my tumor markers are rising and no growth in the liver. Seems a big coincidence!! We have decided to continue the same treatment for now, but had a lengthy discussion on what treatments are available when we feel the current treatment is no longer working. We still have one more protocol left to try before I need to call on my last resort down in Melbourne. So looks like I will be around for a while yet which is positive, but am preparing myself for some tough times over the next year. Still working full time and loving my job, but Dr K keeps telling me to slow down. I think I will have no choice soon, as even now I get to 3 o'clock in the afternoon and I hit a brick wall. I must admit I have been lucky thus far to be able to continue a normal life, well as normal as you can when you have the weight of cancer on you. I am about to embark on some pet therapy. Yes we are getting a dog. My dream of having a Boxer is about to come true. Ralph (that is his name) will be joining the family after Christmas. I will attach a picture on my next blog.
If nothing else, I have learnt to enjoy everyday and not get bogged down in the minor speed bumps we encounter. I hope everyone can take something from this as life is too short for negativity.

No good news but remain positive

Hi All, it’s been a while since my last blog, mainly because i have not had any good news to share. My cancer cell counts continue to rise, they delayed my Chemo by a week as my blood tests were no good, and generally I have not been feeling the best. I am back on Chemo again and had a CT scan a couple of days ago. Hopefully this will give us some insight into why my cancer cell counts have been increasing. So not expecting very good results from my next appointment with Dr K.  At the end of the day I just want to know so I can plan my next attack strategy to beat this terrible disease. I have a feeling the cancer is getting the better of my current chemo. It maybe I will be seeing my secret weapon down in Melbourne quicker than expected. Mentally I admit I have been struggling but managing to keep on top of it. Meghan has been my rock, and has had to console me at times when I have just needed to let it all out. I am not scared of dying, but I am enjoying my life (apart from the obvious). Work is great and achieving most of what I set out to do here in Darwin. Family life is fantastic and that is why I worry so much. I don’t want to leave Meghan and Sam for a long time yet.

I will update everyone after my next Doctor’s appointment on the 30th of November.

Wish me luck.

Is this the beginning of the end

Sounds a bit dramatic but I cannot get this thought out of my head. Last visit to see Dr K was not so good. The tumor markers which stabilized, have risen from 60 to 83. I was given the same reasoning as previous, a new tumor or overactive current tumors. Either way it tells me the cancer is getting the better of the chemo. It was always going to be a race to see who would win, and it looks like the devil is winning. This just gives me more reason to stick to my plan after my next CT scan now booked for the 16th of November. I will definitely be contacting the Specialist in Melbourne as per my last blog.  Ready to hit it hard before the cancer takes control. Other blood counts are not so good either, Hemoglobin and platelets are well down on recommended levels but the good news is my white blood cells are just within the normal range which is helping fight off any other diseases try to get in on the act. Just about to go on a 9 day holiday with my two best friends, my wife Meghan and little boy Sam. Off to Bali, and yes will need to be very careful of what I do and eat, but can't live in a cocoon. So I think the rest will do me the world of good and come back ready to keep the fight going.
Cancer but positive? the positive at this stage is I will keep fighting to the very end.

Tumor markers have stabilized

I have just had my latest results come through from my 3 weekly blood tests and my tumor markers have not increased from my last test, still sitting at 60. This is good but still a concern. Dr K thinks it could be another tumor growing but not big enough to show up on the CT scan as yet, or its just the tumors in my liver being overactive, let’s hope for the latter. The chemo has hit me fairly hard this past cycle and I am just about to go back in tomorrow for another round. I suppose after 12 months of continuously being feed lethal noxious drugs which would kill an elephant you have to expect not to be doing cartwheels around the house. I will continue with the 24 tablets a day and hopefully find a cure to this dreadful disease before the chemo takes me. I have been researching and contacting various clinics to see if I could be suitable for a liver transplant and after exhausting all avenues the answer is no. main issue I have now been on chemo for so long the doctors tell me I am too higher risk due to my low immune system to operate and my body actually accepting the transplant. So my focus has now turned to how we can go about killing the tumors in my liver before they take over. I am going to pull out the wild card and contact the specialist in Melbourne and discuss options after my next CT scan in November, and there are some options of which some are still in trail stages but never the less seem to have good results so far.

Well fingers crossed I continue to see good results and hopefully in November have a plan in place to wipe out the enemy.

Sometimes I surprise myself with my positivity!!!!!!! This is one of my good days. I don’t blog on the bad ones. Bye for now.

12 months to the day since diagnosed with this life changing disease.

I find it hard to believe myself it was 12 months ago since I sat in the Dr Michael Ryan’s office on the Sunshine Coast after a routine check up to be told I had Cancer and had between 6 to 24 months to live.

So what did I do????? Firstly I did not accept the fact I was going to die. Yes the statistics tell me otherwise, but all research seems to be on older patients and less fit than I was. Life needed to go on and not just “go home and get my affairs in order” as it was so nicely put to me. So you would think I would have just gone back to my regular way of life and set about beating this disease. No, we as a family transferred to Darwin and I took on a huge task of getting 2 of the largest Hotels in the group back on track. Now when I look back on this period it was really intense. Meghan had to leave a job she loved, Sam had to move out of an Early learning Centre he was very happy at and we had to pack everything up and move to a city we virtually knew nothing about. Twelve months later and I feel it was the right decision. It has been the toughest period of my life and obviously for Meghan as well. She didn’t count on marrying a cancer patient! So diagnosed with stage 4a cancer. Bowel tumor and a liver riddled with lesions. Not much hope given from the medical profession. Now I have beaten the bowel tumor and the liver lesions have been reducing on a slow but steady basis. Overall I have coped well I think and have had good results. I’m still here and that has to be a good thing. In medical terms I am “stable”, which means I can expect to live for a while yet. I can now focus on not just surviving but actually beating the cancer. I am a realist and know I will have to live with this for the rest of my life even if I go into remission there will always be the chance of it returning. The upside to all this, if there can be one is I have a whole different perspective on life and if it wasn’t life threatening I would recommend it to everyone. I won’t go through my new take on life, just to say I enjoy every day, and day to day issues are no longer relevant. How’s this for a crazy statement. I am now more relaxed in my day to day life than I have ever been!!!!

So enough for now as you will all get bored and continue surfing the net. Just a quick update from my previous blog. CT scans came back showing more lesions than the PET scan but they have reduced from the last CT scan so still heading the right direction.  Biggest worry at present is my tumor blood markers have increased again to 60 and no one can tell me why. Again I thank everyone who has supported me over the last 12 months as it keeps me focused on beating this disease.

Nervous about CT scan results coming up

I had my CT scan this week and waiting to go back to see Dr K on Monday. I really haven’t been feeling so great over this past chemo cycle. Physically I have been drained and haven’t felt this bad for about six months ago when I was on the full blown chemo. I have had a big couple of weeks at work which I know hasn’t helped, which my Beautiful Wife Meghan has reminded me of. She understands I need to work too keep my mind active but yes I need to get the right balance. Mentally the CT results have been playing on my mind. What if the PET scan is wrong and I haven’t seen any reduction in the tumors which would account for the higher CEA blood counts??? Or it could be the scan will prove the PET scans correct which would be fantastic. The only reason I have doubts is the high CEA result and the way I have been feeling and just yesterday I found a lump in my armpit. I will raise this with Dr K and hopefully it is nothing, but when you are not 100% these things weigh on your mind. All will be revealed in 2 days at the appointment.
Wish me luck and will update again after my Doctors appointment.

Lastest results have left me in Limbo

I am now back from Brisbane and had my PET scan. Went back to see Dr K and the PET scan results told us they could only find signs of a tumor in the right lobe of my liver. Fantastic news, BUT Dr K bought me straight back down to earth. He suggested the results may be floored and for various reasons may not be showing all the cancer spots in my liver. Looking at the big picture the results are still good, as one of the reasons they may not be showing up on the scan is they have reduced enough in size not to show up. If I compare to my last PET scan nearly 12 months ago where they could see two large tumors and a multitude of splattering throughout my liver to now only showing one tumor is a great result. So I will keep again keep positive and look at this as a good improvement. I also had my regular blood tests. The results of this are not so good. My tumor markers have increased again to 43. So in one hand we are saying the cancer is reducing in my liver but the tumor markers are telling us an increase in activity, hence my state of limbo. We have decided to do CT scans and have another close look at the liver and hopefully they will support the PET scan and show a reduction. So a CT scan and back to see DR K before the end of the month. Wish me luck. I am still on the chemo cycle and managing the side effects day by day. Working fulltime keeps my mind occupied pushes me to get out of bed everyday although some days are a struggle. Not sure how I am feeling emotionally at the moment. Maybe I am just too impatient, but I just want to know my exact situation so I can plan an attack on the cancer. Now nearly 12 months since I was diagnosed and funny enough although it has turned my world upside down it is now just a part of my life and take it in my stride and push forward every day. I have made fantastic progress from last year so I am very lucky considering the Doctors told me to go home and get my “affairs” in order. In other words prepare to die within the next 6 to 24 months!! I think the prognosis is much better now and my goal is to be able to go into remission in this year.
Thanks to everyone who has supported me over the last year, I would not be where I am now without this support. I will update again once I have the CT scan results.

Back on the Chemo Rollercoaster again

First cycle of my 3 week cycle completed since my short break. I started cycle 6 of the Avistin and Xeloda treatment toady. Intravenous dose this morning and two weeks of tablets with a week’s break after that. This will bring me up to ten months since I started Chemo. I have learnt a lot over this time and too much to mention in this blog, but the two main things have been, I would not wish cancer on my worst enemy, it’s not just the physical aspect but also the emotional roller coaster you take. The second is you really find out who your friends are and how much they really mean, and I need to mention my Family who are by my side through all of this feeling every emotion I feel. I still have a long way to go but remain positive I will see little Sammy grow up into a man. Blood tests this cycle are not so good. My CEA count, (cancer cell count in blood stream) has risen slightly from 20 to 28, and my white cell count is down. No cause for panic but will need to keep an eye on this and hope they do not get any worse. Off to Brisbane next week for my PET scan which I am looking forward to receiving the results from. I can then sit down with Dr K and discuss the best options to destroy this cancer.  I will be also sending the results to my secret weapon down in Melbourne. I have been keeping a specialist up to date with my progress and using him as my second opinion. He is at the cutting edge of research for cancer at a large hospital and has all the right connections. Just keeping Dr K honest. He has a couple of treatments up his sleeve which we may need to call on if the Chemo treatments start to go pear shaped. Hopefully I will not need to draw this card but always good to have a plan B.
The next blog will hopefully have some good news after the scan results, so wish me luck and thanks to all who continue to support me.

FIRST ROUND KNOCKOUT AND BACK INTO THE RING TO FIGHT AGAIN

I am sitting back in the oncology unit t as I post this blog, hooked up to bags of poisonous drugs which not only kill the cancer but every other cell it comes into contact with. That’s the way it works, but believe it or not I am happy just to be back in the ring fighting the killer disease which has turned my life upside down. I had a great meeting with my Oncology Doctor who I call Dr K. I explained in no uncertain terms that I am not willing to sit back and be diagnosed as “stable” after each scan I have. I want to do everything in my power to beat this and if he was not willing help I would have to look elsewhere. He sat back in his seat and I could tell he does not get this type of reaction very often. I am sure most people just take his word for it and prepare themselves to die. Not Me!!! So straight into action goes DrK, we decide to put me back onto Chemo the next day and up the dosage. We also organized to have a PET scan (this is the ultimate scan which shows every last cancerous cell in my liver), which I have to travel down to Brisbane for at the end of July as they do not have a machine in Darwin. Once we have the results of this we will discuss next steps, and it looks like we have a few options, which I will not go into as yet until we are better equipped to make a decision. So now I am back in the ring and ready to go for another Knockout. This time it may take more than one round to beat this hefty opponent, as the big C has a pretty big strangle hold on my liver, but I know if I can keep on top of it I will eventually take it down. The bell rings and into the ring I step yet again,
WISH ME LUCK.

The Good the Bad and the Ugly

I have now had my colonoscopy (not a pleasant experience I tell you) and went back to the Doctor to get the results, not really knowing what to expect so was very apprehensive. Was he going to tell me the Tumor was still growing and needs to be removed or was everything just Ok and life goes on??? He sat me down in his nice big office and put his glasses on and proceeded to review my results. It felt like 1/2 an hour had passed but in reality was most probably 1 to 2 minutes. He then looked up at me and said quote “I could not find the Tumor". My first thought was he a doctor or a quack, why couldn't he find it? I made out I didn't hear him and asked him to repeat himself. He then proceeded to tell me he could see where it was but now gone. Just some scaring which he took samples of and came back with no problems. How Good is that!!!! I was facing an operation to remove the tumor which would have had me on my back for 6 weeks and a colostomy bag for at least 3 months. So at this stage this will not be the case. That’s the good news.
The Bad & Ugly is this will not make any difference to my ultimate life expectancy. I still have the liver to contend with which what has control of my life span. Now 4 weeks off from Chemo whilst we have got the good news means now I am 4 weeks behind the battle with my liver. The Cancer has had a chance to regroup and build up some strength. I am meeting with my Oncology Doctor next Monday and discuss next steps and I will raise the option of going back onto full chemo treatment rather than the maintenance treatment which has not been successful in reducing the cancer in my liver. I am over the side effect now which is the reason why they changed my treatment in the first place. Yes it will be tough, but no glory sitting on the bench watching the team get beaten, (old football term). So maybe I might be jumping back onto the rollercoaster, which I don’t mind as I cannot sit here "Stable" and watch my life go by without doing everything possible to beat this. It is really hard when you don't know how long you have and what to do in this time. I now just take every day as it comes and enjoy the time with my fantastic family. Every time I see little Sammy smile and laugh makes it all worthwhile fighting the fight. This is the one thing this dreaded disease has done for me. Enjoy life and not worry about the small things. Remember this everyone, and not wait until something like this happens to wake us up.

First step backwards

I went for chemo today and the Oncology Doctor would not let me have the treatment. This is the first time I have not been able to be treated. This is an emotional step backwards for me as I feel it is the first sign of my acceptance that I am not going as well as think. I now have to have another colonoscopy before they will allow me to have chemo again if they find no issues. If there is a problem it may mean surgery to remove the tumor. The complication is my liver is riddled with cancer and to stop chemo may mean growth of the cancer which I have worked so hard to bring under control.
I still have a positive frame of mind, but finding it hard to maintain. I will keep fighting on and realize it will only get harder from now on.

Stable, what does it mean?

I have had my latest scan and follow up Doctors appointment, which Meghan came along to give support as she does everyday. In a nutshell, I came out of his office feeling like a just played in a sports game which ended up in a draw. The Doctor said there was minimal change in my results compared to the last scan, which is good that there has been no cancer growth, but on the other hand no reduction. The Doctor seemed happy with this result and expected it. When I probed deeper he said if my condition remained stable he would be happy until the current treatment stopped working and then we would have to look at changing again. Eventually the chemo will not be effective, so I hope we can beat it before getting to this stage. We asked the big question on life expectancy as you do! The answer. Same as I have been told before, 6 to 24 months from diagnosis. This is the standard spiel from every Doctor I have spoken to. Quote "research tells us this is the average time frame". Blah Blah!!! Looks like I will need to improve these statistics. As I write this blog I have just spent the last 8 hours in the ED at the Darwin Hospital. The tumor in my bowel bled today, which scared the hell out of me, but after multiple tests I got the all clear, but not really knowing why it happened. It could not have been due to a growth in the tumor as the scan showed no growth. We are hoping it was due to the tumor breaking down, but no proof of this. So just another trip to the Emergency Department, another day in my life now. Meghan and Sammy came out to see me with Sam also accepting it is now a part of Daddy's life and takes it for granted. I hope one day this will be just a memory for him and we never see the inside of that dreaded Hospital. Back to have my 17th round of chemo tomorrow and continue the fight against the big C.
Life goes on

Ramblings of a cancer patient

Not sure what I am going to write here but feel compelled to let my thoughts out, as this is why I started this blog in the first place, so here I go.

 I went to the oncology unit on Wednesday for Chemo treatment only to find out another patient I have gotten to know passed away. She was a lovely woman who always had a smile on her face and her husband was by her side for each visit. They have young children who now have no mother. Cancer is an evil disease which can turn your world upside down and is so unfair. This is now 2 wonderful people I have got to know whilst in Darwin who have had their lives taken far too early. It makes me realise I am not invincible and need to look after myself. It is not the cancer in some cases which delivers the final blow but other complications due to a low immune system. As you know from my blogs I am very positive but it still leaves a thought in the back of my mind it can happen to me without warning. It may sound dramatic but it is like having a hit man looking for me, as  I could suffer the same fate as the friends I made and then had taken away. Don’t get me wrong I am doing very well and have my CEA results down to 20, which is fantastic, considering they were at 5,500 last October. I expect this won’t change much now until I have surgery to remove the tumour from my bowel. The doctors are happy to leave it there until we have my liver under control, so could be near the end of the year or even early next year if no complications in the meantime. Good news is I have feeling back in my hands and feet which is great, but ironically I broke 2 toes a fortnight ago and I definitely have the feeling back!!! I have my next lot of scans at the end of this month which will give us a better indication of how I am going, so will blog again once I get the results. So fingers crossed everyone and wish me luck.

9 weeks into the new treatment

So now 3 cycles into the new drug Xeloda, and as per the doctor’s comments on the side effects, my feet and hands are giving me hell. I have managed to keep the blistering at bay and have had minimal peeling by using hemp oil every day. The main problem is the pain and tenderness in my fingertips and feet to the point I have to get Meghan to button up my shirt each morning ready for work. I also have really bad skin itches all over my body, which drives me crazy but am taking antihistamine tablets to help. Yes another tablet to the menu of 25 pills. My last visit to the doctor was positive with my CEA blood markers reducing further to 25 from a previous 40, so still dropping although at a slower rate now that they are getting lower. I suspect they will not change much now until I have an operation to remove the tumor in my bowel. The Doctors still think we can wait for this operation until the end of the year or early next year if I have no problems in the meantime and concentrate on the liver. Strange to think the root of all my sickness is still sitting in my body and we are happy to leave it there for now!!!! Scans have been booked in for the end of May and this will be the real test to see how I am progressing, especially with the tumors in my liver. Fingers crossed they have reduced further from my last scan back in January. I have gained 2 kilos in weight over the past 3 weeks and am back to my original weight before being diagnosed. I still get very tired and the drugs have affected my short term memory which is very annoying. I have managed to maintain my normal work routine, but at times struggle and wonder for how much longer I can do this at this level. It is one of the things which keeps me going so I will keep pushing myself within my limits and hopefully will be able to keep going. I just don't want to be one of the many sufferers who cannot work and stay at home and have their life ruled by this dreadful disease. It is my little boy, Sam’s third birthday soon (May 25^th) and I am thankful for everyday we spend together and intend to celebrate many more birthdays in the years to come.

For now all the results are pointing in the right direction and I remain as positive as ever.

early days but so far OK

I just had my first cycle of the new treatment and whilst I realise it is only early days, it seemed to be better than the previous, as far as how it affects me. Rather than a full-blown hit in one day and taking up to 10 days to start to feel half normal, it is spread out over 2 weeks. So just feels like waking up with a very large hangover every day and it not going away, would be the best description I can give. The side effects with this treatment are mainly peeling and blistering of the feet and hands. This is already prevalent and am using Hemp oil to combat it getting too bad. I have my first check up with the doctor next Wednesday and am hoping to get another scan done, as the last was back in January. Hoping to see positive results again, fingers crossed.
As my results since starting Chemo have been so good, I now face the demons in the back of my mind telling me this can't continue forever and a relapse may occur, as the doctor so kindly told me last visit (thanks doctor). I fight this thinking and remain strong in my thought process, and hoping the next lot of results will kill these unwanted thoughts. My Beautiful Wife and Son are by my side everyday giving me all the support they can, and i have family and friends from all over the country calling me to let me know they are here for me. Thank you to everyone without this support I would be curled up in the corner somewhere letting this terrible disease beat me.

Next steps after 6 months of my Rollercoaster ride

Had my Doctor’s appointment yesterday to determine my next steps as far as treatment goes. The current treatment has shown great results so in a way a will be disappointed to change but on the flip side the side effects and rollercoaster ride I will not miss.

The doctor has put me on a tablet form of Chemo now. This will involve about taking about 8 tablets a day on top of the 14 I currently take. Yes I will rattle as I walk!!! I will need to go into the Clinic every 3 weeks to have 1 drug still administered intravenously and then 2 weeks of tablets and one week off. I am hoping this will reduce my current side effects and stop the rollercoaster I am currently experiencing as it will be daily treatment. Obviously the new drugs still have side effects as well but will deal with these as they arise. The only negative to the appointment was the Doctor thinks at some stage my cancer cell count will increase as the cells become resistant to the drugs. We have other options once this happens, so not all that bad. Would be great to get to a remission stage before this happens, but I might be aiming too high, but that will be my target. Let’s hope the new drugs are as effective as the old ones.

No-one really knows

the pain associated with Chemo treatments. As per my last post the side effects are really kicking in, and I now know how other cancer suffers feel. I am the lucky one as it hasn't really hit me until now. I am not going to describe how it feels as to be honest I cannot. It is a whole different feeling and is just with you 24/7. I think besides the physical side effects such as mouth ulcers, skin irritations, numbness in my feet and hands etc., it is the constant tiredness which gets to you. Just getting through the day is a chore, and no one wants to spend their life just trying to get through the day without enjoying it.

I realise this may seems a bit left field for me as I am always positive. This has not changed and I am still really happy with my progress. The Specialist in Melbourne has got back to me and is very happy with my results to date, which is great to hear. As far as the removal of my bowel tumour, he recommends to just leave it for now and most probably the rest of the year unless it starts to create any problems. I am OK with this as now I can plan a nice holiday with my Family who deserve it more than I do.

One more full treatment next Wednesday then a Doctor’s appointment to discuss the Maintenance program I will be going on. I will update once I have had the Doctor’s appointment.

Thank you All again for the support I am receiving.

Scan results back and looking good!!!!!!!

So had my Doctors appointment on Wednesday and the scan results were very good again with the two main lesions in my liver reducing by approx 7mm. It may not sound much but in my world it is a good effort.  The Doctors told me I might only have 2 more treatments on the current dosage levels of Chemo and then go onto a maintenance style Chemo. This sounds much better as it is just taking tablets each day instead of having a drip attached for 2 and  a half days.  I am getting to a stage after 10 treatments were the side effect are really kicking in and lasting longer and I was starting to get concerned if I was going to be able to keep up my current work pace for much longer. I love my work and this keeps me going along with my family and friends. The break from full blown treatment will be great. I am about to send all results to a very good Oncology Doctor in Melbourne who will now give a second opinion and he will also be make the decision on what to do with my bowel tumor. Hopefully I will know within a month whether I need radiation treatment or they can operate soon. I expect it will be radiation as the tumor in my bowel has not reduced in size but has not grown either. We expected this as the Chemo was focused on the liver, so all good. Thanks to everyone for all the support again and I appreciate it immensely.

Scan results next week!!!!!

As per my last blog I have just had treatment number 10 and dealing with the side effects best I can, but is not easy. I had a CT scan yesterday and really looking forward to the results on Wednesday. Any improvement is a positive. Some sad news, I guy who has been having Chemo the same day as me with very similar cancer, has been in Hospital for 3 weeks now and is not doing very well. I have come to terms that I will see some very nice people struggle with the cancer or not be able to win their battle as I continue down this long road to recovery and this is the saddest part of the whole journey.  It does make me stronger to keep the treatments going and keep improving, but in reality I have to be prepared I may have times where I could have complications, but will deal with this when and if they arise. My next blog will be after my Doctors appointment so please keep your fingers crossed and slip a couple of prayers in there and hopefully all will be good.

Thank you once again to everyone who is supporting me and I cannot begin to tell you how much the phone calls and emails mean to me.

Back on the Rollercoaster

I have just had the best period between treatments last fortnight than I have had for months.
It is Tuesday afternoon and I am currently sitting in the big blue chair at the oncology unit having treatment number 10. As I sit here for approx 3 1/2 hours and they feed the Chemo drugs into my body I can feel myself leaving the top of the hill on the rollercoaster and starting the descend to the bottom. I hope the bottom is not as far down as I have previously had and I can at least feel half normal this time round. It is strange to sit here and know how strong these drugs are going into my body. All the nurses wear protective gowns, face masks and gloves. Makes you feel a bit like a lepour! Some bad news. A friend of mine, who has treatment on the same day who has liver cancer as well, was not here last treatment and not here again  today. I asked the nurse and he is in hospital, and would not give more information than he may not be back. Hits home when you here this happening, but I need to get used to this as I work through my treatments and eventually beat this Cancer. There will be people who will not make it. It’s just a pity to see such good people be struck down in the prime of their life.
It really makes me appreciate every day a wake up and see the sunrise and the voice of my little boy Sammy as he shuffles in to our bed for his morning cuddle. I hope everyone who reads this will wake up tomorrow and feel the same as I do each morning.

Mind over body

Another fortnight nearly over in my rollercoaster ride of Chemo. This has been a much better fortnight than the last, as per my last blog. I seem to have shaken of the bug I had. Treatment number 10 next week which means I have been on treatment for 5 months. As my blogs reflect it is not getting any easier in fact harder each time, but all good as I am seeing results. Really looking forward to having scans at the end of next week which will give us a better indication of how I am progressing. To a lot of people what I am about to write, you might say "no big deal, I could do that", but for the people who read my blog and have cancer I hope you get inspiration from this.
On Wednesday I took my Executive Team on an afternoon Team Building exercise. Indoor Rock Climbing!!! What an excellent afternoon and everyone took away something from the afternoon. For me. I attempted to scale the 20 metre wall but could only manage about 6 meters when a ledge stopped me in my tracks and I just run out of energy. I came back down and let one of my Team have a go. He went up like a proverbial rat up a drain pipe. I took a big breath and focussed on getting back in the harness and setting my sights on the top. So I strapped myself in and started the long haul up the wall with these little pebbles to support me. I reached the spot which beat the on the 1st attempt and just set my eyes on the top and got over the ledge. From here you would think it would be plain sailing as it was just a straight 180 degrees (yes straight up and down). As I took each step to the next little pebble jutting out from the wall my body was losing any strength I had, but I shut out all negative thoughts and just zoned into reaching my ultimate goal,  the top. After 10 minutes of shear pain I made it. Yes a 48 year old stage 4 cancer patient climbed a vertical 20 metre wall clinging on by just fingers and toes. Was I proud of my achievement? What do you think? I reflect back and realise, this zone I was in to reach the top I am already in and have been in for the past 5 months. When your body says give up let your mind take control and you can achieve anything you want to. Maybe not first time but don’t give up. Photo inserted to just show you the wall which I conquered.

Turning a negative into a positive

I realize I only posted a blog yesterday but since then I had an interesting afternoon.

My temperature spiked up in the afternoon so as per the Doctors instruction any time I am over 38 degrees I need to admit myself into emergency. That in its self is an eye opener in the Darwin Hospital, which I will not go into now. I was in emergency for 4 ½ hours yesterday and every test you could have I had. In the end my temp came down and I was released with antibiotics to help my very low immune system to beat the bug I have. So the positive out of this bad afternoon. They contacted my Oncology Doctor to consult, and he had just received my latest Tumor Marker results. There are 2 separate markers which are based on overall cancer cell counts in the blood. The CEA result came in at +161 which were at 5510 back in October. The normal figure is -5. So huge drop in 2 months and 166 away from a normal count. The next is the CA result, which came in at 91 from 360 back in October. The normal figure for this test is 0-35 so another 60 points to go. I realize this will take a lot longer to get these last points down but how good to be so close so quickly. I put the great results down to everything we are doing from the dreaded chemo, to a couple of natural cures I have been taking,  to all the positive energy I receive from all my friends and everyone out there praying for my recovery. Obviously it is working. Thanks you again to all whom fall into the above.

4 1/2 months into Chemo and its taking effect

This Wednesday will be treatment 9 and I am really feeling the effects of chemo as it builds up in my body. Hair at this stage is holding on, but I am due for a haircut which will show the thinness of my scalp, so maybe soon the shaver comes out. I have my next scans coming up on the 29th of January so looking forward to some positive results which will give me the strength to continue on. I have had a bug since before Xmas which put me in hospital 2 days before Xmas. Since then my temp has been like a pogo stick if everybody remembers what that is! Ranging from 36 to 40.5. As my immune system is so low this creates difficulties trying to bet the bug. Yes something as a simple flu has put me in emergency. This is my life now and need to accept it, which I will admit is taking a lot to do as I have been so healthy until 4 months ago. The pain of the cancer is non-existent due to the drugs I take but it’s the side effects which cause the pain and frustration. I will not go into all of them but the biggest is the lack of energy and as I have mentioned in previous posts each day is a battle in its self just to get through. Work keeps my mind stimulated but need to listen to my body as well and take time out when needed.

I have contacted a very good Doctor down in Melbourne to be involved and give me a 3rd opinion, so I have doctors in Adelaide, Darwin and now Melbourne looking at my case. I have a lot of faith in their actions so we continue on. The Doctor in Melbourne is a leader in SITR research in Australia which is why I have chosen him for my case. What is SITR? please read the link and you will have a good idea of the treatment. http://www.umgcc.org/sir-spheres/about_sirt.htm   It is new into Australia but has had great results. Still looking to get the tumor in my bowel removed in the 1st half of this year by the Doctors in Melbourne and should have more idea after these next scans. Again thanks to all who are supporting me through this and I can not thank my Darling Wife Meghan enough who now wears alot of the day to day burden which normally would be shared in our relationship.

Results finally through

Well, finally got my full results through and all looks good.

Overall a 15% decrease in cancer cells in my liver, this puts me in the "stable" zone. You need to reduce by 30% to be in the effective zone. I am happy with this as after the first 3 treatments we seen an increase which the doc reassures us is normal, so the last 3 have done there job. Since my last blog I have been up and down. Chemo really starting to take effect. I am continually tired and struggle through each day and try to be as normal as I can. It’s like getting up each morning and running a marathon every day. You just push through and break through the barriers and get to the finish line (end of the day). Yes everyone tells me to slow down but this is my life and what keeps me motivated to keep going. The past few weeks has made me realize I now need to slow down. I caught bug most probably from my little boy Sam (2.5 years old). Normally I would just power through something as simple as a flu etc, but it actually put me in Hospital with temps over 40 degrees. I realized then how my life is changing and need to look after myself. Positivity is one thing; stupidity of not looking after myself is another.

Xmas has been great with Sammy now understanding what it all means. It made me so happy to see his beautiful blue eyes open so wide on Xmas morning. I intend to be around for many more moments like yesterday.

My Fantastic wife continues to look after me and shares in my emotional rollercoaster and is such a great support for me and is the unsung hero of my journey to date. 

Looking forward to a big year and hopefully surgery to remove my bowel cancer and get the liver under control. This time next year I hope to be at a stage where we have beaten this horrible

disease. To All who read my blog I thank you for your ongoing support and remember to enjoy every day as it happens as when you live day to day you appreciate how great it is to be able to enjoy what you have.

Maybe a change of Tact soon!!

As per my last bog, I was waiting for the scan results from my last scan. Met with the doctor after having my 6th Chemo treatment, but the radilogist hasn't come through with the full results still. Annoying? Yes. I am OK with it as I know within myself I am improving. The Doctor was a specailist from Adelaide who has been studying my case, so was good to get a second opinion. He was happy with the current progress what he could take from the current scan as he has seen my previous scans before. So all good on the liver side, just keep up the Chemo. He spoke in detail about starting radiation on the bowel tuma. Most probally not to the new year which is up to a 13 week process before surgery, so will be awhile. 5 weeks of ratiation and 6 to 8 weeks of recovery and then surgery all this time continuing Chemo. How will I handle it??? Definately with a positive approach but expect some heavy duty side effects over this time. but will be worth it to remove one problem child from my body and concerntrate on the big brother, the liver. Feeling good within myself and getting on with day today life and appreciate all the support from family and friends I have been fortunate to recieve. Without this support I am sure I would not be in this frame of mind. Thank you to everyone, it is hard to explain whata difference it makes.

good news but more to come

Well, I had the scan and all went well, until I realised I had given the incorrect original scan to compare results too. (I put it down to Chemo brain, appartently I have this right to do so!!) So could not get all the information I would have liked to. The good news is one of the largest lesion on my liver has reduced by 1.2 cm. This is fantastic, and expect other lesions would hopefully follow the same course. I have given the correct scans now and need to wait another fortnight to find out the overall results. So far so good.
Positive? You bet I am.

The truth will be in the Scan

The time is getting closer. Monday will be my first scan since starting Chemo almost 8 weeks ago. This will be the big test to see if the treatment is doing any good. Apprehensive??? anxious would be the word. The results will be with the Doctor for my appointment on Wednesday. We will be discussing the results and this will determine what treatment I have going forward. I am very confident that the treatment is working, but how quickly is the big question. This treatment to date has been targeted at bringing the liver cancer under control and also helping reduce the tumour in my bowel as an added bonus. This is the sucker we can get rid of. Radiation treatment in conjunction with the Chemo could be the way to go if the Doctors feel I can handle it. It would be as much as they would allow anyone to have at one time, but I am willing to take thechallenge if it means speeding up the process. I could be getting way ahead of myself here and my tratment may not need to change, so I will wait albeit impatiently till next Wednesday. Bring it on!!!!!

The Rollercoaster of Chemo treatment

This week is chemo week,which to people who have or had cancer will understand. Just the word chemo is enough to make me feel ill now. For those who read my blog and dont know I will give you a run down. Every Wednesday fortnight I have chemo treatment at the cancer clinic. The first couple were not so bad but as I have more treatments it seems to have more effect on me. I sit in a chair for close to 4 hours and have 3 very tovic drugs drip feed into my body. I know they are toxic as the nurse wears glasses, full apron and gloves. Not normal dress to give a headache tablet!! When these drugs have been fed into my system I have a bottle of the really good stuff attached for 2 days which I carry around in a hip bag constantly feeding into my system. This is taken off on Fridays. It takes me until Sunday to come back to any normality. Its hard to explain what I am feeling right now(Thursday night). Its like a really bad hangover might be the best way to put it. Crazy as I never had hangovers when I drank, and now I dont drink I have to put up with this. It is a fortnightly roller coaster, where I feel so bad for 4 days and then slowly come good only to go back to the clinic to go through it all again. If I wasnt sure it was doing me good it would be alot harder to except, but I am positive it is working so I am not complaining.Then theirs the side effects. I take strong painkillers twice a day which I have another drug to reduce the side effects, and I have drugs to stop the neussa. Emotions!! how the drugs play with my emotions. Over these four days I do cry, not much but I do. Its the drugs obviously as I dont have negative thoughts to bring it on. I cry when I think about how much my wife Meghan loves me, and what she now has to deal with, and my little boy Sam copies everything I do, he now has a constant sore spot on his body just like daddy's porta cath, were they hook up the drip.  I dont mind the emotional rollercoaster as it gives me a chance to think about things from the other side and just not when I feel good. So thats life for me now, one big rollercoaster. I have not written this to get any sympathy, but more to explain how so many people live there lives battling cancer. I had no idea 4 months ago. For the people who read this blog who have cancer, please remember to never give up and, yes there are people like you and me who live this life of the constant rollercoaster. Just think, Rollercoasters are at every "FUN" park you go to. So try and enjoy your ride and never forget the rollercoaster has to stop sooner or later and let you off to go and enjoy evrything life has to offer.

How quickly time goes by

I have now completed 3 treatments of Chemo now and due for number 4 next week. It is not getting any easier but this is to be expected. I had a recent scare, when one of my blood tests showed I may have had Hep B in the past and as my immune system lowers due to the Chemo it could come back and have serious results. After 3 more blood tests it seems the first result was incoorect and I am all clear. Thank god, this would be the last thing I need. The positive out of this stressful period is the doctors tell me my cancer blood cell count has reduced. Fantastic news as this is the first time it has reduced since starting the treatment. I am due for a full scan on the 15th of Nov, and am positive we should see encouraging results. Hopefully I might be able to have surgery on the cancer in my bowel either before Xmas or early next year. Really would like to get this dealt with so we can concertrate on my liver and hopefully control it. I will never get rid of it but am sure we will be able to control well enough so I will be sitting back when I am over 70 enjoying life.
To anyone who has disappointments in thier life and are having trouble coping with it, please put your positive hat on and think to yourself how bad is it really. Change your attitude turn your thoughts to be positive and it is amazing how well you will cope and move forward. I do this daily. I firstly acknowledge my negative thoughts, accept it and then work on turning it around. And you know what it is not so hard. i have a wonder wife who is also my best friend who supports me 24/7 and I can tell her my every thought. Without her and my little 2 1/2 year old boy Sam by my side each day I not sure if I could stay as poitive as I am. I also have a group of family & friends who contact me regularly. I am sure they do not realise exactly how much this means to me but without this support life would be much more difficult.

Where to start

In the past 3 months my life has changed in a way I never could have thought.
I accepted a transfer with the Company i work for and within 2 weeks of accepting I was diagnosed with firstly a tuma in the bowel and then after further tests the doctors found my liver was riddled with cancer. So in between moving to Darwin and starting a new job although with the same company I had to organise to start treatment straight away. I arrived in Darwin on a Sunday, started on the Monday and had my first chemo on the Wednesday. Nothing like settling in. I have no had 2 rounds of chemo and to date no success from my blood tests as yet. I am a positive person and wil continue to keep that way.
I hope anyone with similar challanges finds this blog interesting and would like to share their experiences.