Thursday, November 4, 2010
The Rollercoaster of Chemo treatment
This week is chemo week,which to people who have or had cancer will understand. Just the word chemo is enough to make me feel ill now. For those who read my blog and dont know I will give you a run down. Every Wednesday fortnight I have chemo treatment at the cancer clinic. The first couple were not so bad but as I have more treatments it seems to have more effect on me. I sit in a chair for close to 4 hours and have 3 very tovic drugs drip feed into my body. I know they are toxic as the nurse wears glasses, full apron and gloves. Not normal dress to give a headache tablet!! When these drugs have been fed into my system I have a bottle of the really good stuff attached for 2 days which I carry around in a hip bag constantly feeding into my system. This is taken off on Fridays. It takes me until Sunday to come back to any normality. Its hard to explain what I am feeling right now(Thursday night). Its like a really bad hangover might be the best way to put it. Crazy as I never had hangovers when I drank, and now I dont drink I have to put up with this. It is a fortnightly roller coaster, where I feel so bad for 4 days and then slowly come good only to go back to the clinic to go through it all again. If I wasnt sure it was doing me good it would be alot harder to except, but I am positive it is working so I am not complaining.Then theirs the side effects. I take strong painkillers twice a day which I have another drug to reduce the side effects, and I have drugs to stop the neussa. Emotions!! how the drugs play with my emotions. Over these four days I do cry, not much but I do. Its the drugs obviously as I dont have negative thoughts to bring it on. I cry when I think about how much my wife Meghan loves me, and what she now has to deal with, and my little boy Sam copies everything I do, he now has a constant sore spot on his body just like daddy's porta cath, were they hook up the drip. I dont mind the emotional rollercoaster as it gives me a chance to think about things from the other side and just not when I feel good. So thats life for me now, one big rollercoaster. I have not written this to get any sympathy, but more to explain how so many people live there lives battling cancer. I had no idea 4 months ago. For the people who read this blog who have cancer, please remember to never give up and, yes there are people like you and me who live this life of the constant rollercoaster. Just think, Rollercoasters are at every "FUN" park you go to. So try and enjoy your ride and never forget the rollercoaster has to stop sooner or later and let you off to go and enjoy evrything life has to offer.